Bright Red Scream
by Blinded Ryter
Summary: This is a real story, a story that goes into depth like no other self mutilation story, and brings out a bright red scream. Yuugi struggles desperately to fight his demons and resist the switchblade. Will you listen to his story? A cutter's story? YxYY
1. A Cutter's Prologue

**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Yu-Gi-Oh!_ nor its characters. The title of this story is credited to the actual non-fictional novelabout self-mutiltation/cutting.

**PLEASE READ BEFORE YOU START THIS STORY:** I quickly grew weary of reading stories in general about characters cutting, because they were depressed or something along the lines of that without going any deeper into into the reason, the emotions, and self-mutilation overall. I do not put the blame on authors, because unless you are a cutter yoruself, you could never understand period. You cannot even begin to imagine. And even if you are a self-mutilator of somesort, it's not easy to write a story about cutting, because you're facing your own demons, as I am right now. This story will reveal to you many things about cutters, starting from the reasons why we do it to how we feel about people's reactions when they discover our secrets, and so on. Obviously, this means that I myself am a cutter (I've been c-sober for a few months, so please, do not be alarmed), but I am also a writer. As a writer, my goal is to teach people things through words, through a story. A few events in this story has occured in real life. There are many books out there in book stores written by doctors and adults about self-mutilation, but I seriously think it's about time that an acutal cutter, someone who is also of young age, writes such a story. If you disagree with me, want to flame me, that's fine. But please, do not flag me. I am only trying to write this to help others, including myself, and also for the joy of writing YuugixAtem (-smile-). If you wish to speak with me for one reason or another, e-mail me or message me; I will gladly listen and respond.

This is a cutter's story.  
You have been warned.

**Bright Red Scream**  
_By Blinded Ryter  
_  
_This story is for all the cutters out there.  
All I have to say to cutters is that...  
No one's suffering is greater than anyone else's.  
It's just that we suffer alone._

01 - A Cutter's Prologue

There are many reasons behind why a person would pick up a sharp object, and intentionally harm themselves. Perhaps it was to release the pain and other violent emotions that dwelled within their bodies, and were dying to break out. Or maybe it was to let physical pain numb the emotional pain. Other times, just seeing the blood rise and trickle slowly down their flesh calming, and helped the person to breathe again. Then, there were those who cut for the aftermath: to glance at the scar they bore, as if it was some kind of morbid trophy they clung to. There were also cases where there was no reason at all; it was simply the spur of the moment thing, while for others, it had become a daily/weekly/monthly routine. Whatever their reasons may be, how often they did it, what they used, and etc., these people all carried one name: self-mutilators or more commonly known as cutters.

Cutters weren't necessarily always people who were neglected or made an outcast from society. Nor was it a stereotypical thing where only "emos" did it. A person of any age, race, gender, and stereotype could do it, because everyone has control over what choices they make in their lives, and this was no different for the people who chose to become cutters.

Sometimes, a cutter could be that one person in your life that always held a warm smile on his face, and held a twinkling light of joy dancing in his eyes. They were the optimistic ones, the radiant ones, the ones that were always happy. Their hearts were wrapped in innocence, and the sound of their laughter was utterly care-free and light-hearted. But it is said that those who smile and laugh the most are the ones that hold the most pain in their hearts. It is just that these people have become masters at creating the perfect façade to fool everyone, even sometimes themselves. But the pain is still there nonetheless, swirling inside of their body like a violent whirlpool ready to break free any moment. Breaking free meant breaking down, and these people were too reluctant…even a bit frightened to break down. If they broke down, would they not cry? And if they cried…would they ever stop? There was so much pain they had buried it deeply into their hearts. It was not in their slightest desire to dig up such agony and misery back up again.

One way or another, whatever incident occurred in their lives to set off the fuse inside of them, they picked up a sharp object. Hence the first cut on their body. It started off with one. Then two. Then four…then twelve. They weren't addicted, but they needed it. They had it in control, but it was a habit. They felt like there was nothing wrong with what sins they were committing, in spite of what the rest of society would say. For some, harming themselves had become a daily, weekly, or monthly ritual. For others, it was a spur or the moment. Whether it be a small little bad thing, or something quite terrible, the demons took over, and picked up the blade.

Though cuts fade with time, a scar is always left behind, just like on Yuugi Motou's body, whose body was covered with scars, both old and new. The cuts were fading with time, but inside of Yuugi, his demons were fighting to break out, and let out a bright red scream.

No self-mutilator ever forgets their first cut, and Yuugi Motou was no different. His first time was in middle school, where he got fed up with being bullied. Many people have heard of young characters being harrassed and bullied in fictional books, but not many know just how terrible and awful it is. To be lying on the ground with darkness biting at the edges of your vision, your body throbbing, and hating yourself with each blow, because you were unable to defend yourself was one of the worse scars Yuugi bore in his heart. He was too weak, too helpless, too pathetic. On top of that, Yuugi had no friends, not even a single aquaintance. This added on to the self-hate: was Yuugi so different, so strange, that he could not make one single friend?

Yuugi hated himself for being so weak, for being so alone, for lying to his grandfather about coming home every other day with a limp or a bruise on his arm. With no one to console his problems about, the twelve-year-old let his problems grow into savage and bloodlusting demons that had found a place in his dying soul. Yuugi was ready to leap at any action, whether it be screaming into a pillow at the top of his lungs, or jumping off a roof, but when the thought of harming himself by cutting crossed Yuugi's mind, the boy blinked, and paused for a moment. Then, something began to slowly rise inside of him: a craving. As soon as he thought of cutting, he had the urge. The desire. The need.

Things for Yuugi had already begun to run out of control since that one little thought.

Locking the door of his bedroom, Yuugi sat down in his chair, and unzipped the pencil bag he carried to and fro school. The boy pulled out a light-weight switchblade, a common utensil was common for students of the Asian culture to have int heir possession. The switchblades were usually used to cut paper or assistance in a school project, but these switchblades also held a darker and more painful and harmful purpose.

Pushing the blade out of its plastic case slightly, Yuugi let the light of the lamp set on the desk cast its murky ray onto the silver blade. Yuugi stared at the switchblade for a moment. There was no hesitation and doubt; his sub-conscious had already shut down. The tri-colour-haired boy slid the sharp edge across his tender wrist. Yuugi winced and let out a sharp hiss, but soon relaxed. There was only a small prick of pain, then a cool and refreshing sensation followed afterwards. Yuugi inhaled and exhaled slowly. Adrenline began pumping through his veins, and he found it easier to breathe. Nothing could be seen at first on his pale flesh until tints of scarlet began to surface, and droplets of bright vermillion blood followed. The dark crimson liquid began to trickle down his wrist, and even a drop or two had fallen to the floor, and stained the faded carpet. Yuugi was bleeding and it was at his own fault, but the boy felt nothing.

No pain.  
No guilt.  
No shame.

Nothing.

His emotions, his heart, and his humanity had already begun to die with this first cut.

The path of a self-mutilator went down the path of a drug-addict, smoker, or drinker in some sense. Once you're a cutter, you're always a cutter period. You may stop for a month, a year, five years, or even more than ten years…but eventually, you will go back to that dark temptation someday. Yuugi had gone "cutter-sober" or "c-sober" for short as he always said to himself, at one point in his life. Yuugi had been c-sober for three months, two weeks, and three days, but being c-sober did not last forever. Yuugi couldn't even recall what had pushed him to the edge, and brought the demons of his past back to life, but in the end, Yuugi picked up the switchblade, and added a few more cuts to his growing (and never-ending) collection.

Yuugi kept his scars, cuts, and temptation a secret perfectly. He was smart enough not to cut too many times at once on his forearms. If he really needed it, the cuts would be on his chest, or around his shoulder, so he could still wear short-sleeved shirts, and not arouse suspicion. The boy also did not cut on his calves, so he could continue to wear gym shorts during P.E. class at school. Yuugi was also careful not to go down the road, but across the street. The boy wasn't depressed nor a tad bit suicidal. The bullies went away with time, and Yuugi had gotten through hardships, but any small event that occurred in the day was enough to set off a fuse in the boy. Yuugi would patiently wait until the day was over, so he could lock his bedroom door, and do it again. Other times, Yuugi had no reason whatsoever, but cut anyways. The boy bore seventy-four scars on his body, but things began to spiral downhill for the dark temptation he was clinging to when Yuugi solved the Millennium puzzle, and "his other half" became a part of his life.

When Yuugi met Yami, whom eventually discovered his real name to be Atem, and gained his own body, Yuugi had no choice, but to stop. Atem called Yuugi his "Aibou", his partner. For the first time in years, Atem stirred emotions within Yuugi. Guilt for the scars Yuugi was always cautious not to show Atem, and shame the temptation and demons that were dwelling inside of his soul. But Atem also helped Yuugi to feel other real and positive emotions, such as happiness, affection, and even love...Yes, love. Love as in more than a brotherly manner, but Yuugi did his best not to think too much about his feelings towards Atem; Yuugi knew that he was not good for his other half. How could a cutter be good for _anyone?_

Nonetheless, Atem was the only one that made Yuugi feel real. As if Yuugi still carried emotions, a heart, and was a human, not a walking empty shell breathing and living for another cut. Yuugi was still so far gone that even the friends he had made, Jou, Anzu, Honda, and Ryou, could not arouse real feelings such as joy inside of him. But, of course, Yuugi had years of experience to be the perfect and flawless fake, so no one would ever know what emotions were geunine and real, and which emotions were forced and strained.

But most importantly, Atem and Yuugi were connected by a "mind-link". They could share thoughts, emotions, dreams, and so on. How could Yuugi physically harm himself without Atem's knowing? Once, Yuugi had accidentally nicked his finger when cutting vegetables for dinner, and Atem went so hysterical that Yuugi got scared.

But that was an _accident_. What would Atem say, what would _anyone_ say, if they found out that radiant, innocent, and care-free Yuugi Motou mutilated himself on _purpose?_

Yuugi forced himself to not touch the blade for more than a year while he was with Atem, participating in life-death duels, and so on. But now, with the Ceremonial Battle over, Atem having his own body, and living under the same roof as Yuugi, normalcy had returned to Yuugi's life. Yuugi thought that having a normal life would be good, but his theory proved to be wrong. Those deranged villians wanting to take over the world by stealing souls, shadow games, and other not-so-normal things had been the distractions that shielded Yuugi from the crimson temptations and bloodlusting demons. The boy didn't know how much more he could go on without another cut. His body was craving for it, his mind was begging for it, and Yuugi's demons were screaming for it.

A bright red scream.

Yuugi Motou was letting out a bright red scream.

-------

**Blinded Ryter -** I'm sorry for the short chapter, but I have already written the next two, and they are quite longer. If you dislike this story, even hate it, then please, don't flame me through a review, but through my e-mail. That way I can reply to you if you disagree with me. If you also simply wish to talk to me for whatever reason, you may send me a message or e-mail. I am always willing to listen, because all I asked for in the past was for people to listen to me. And as for those that are excited for this story so far? I'm very happy to hear that (: I shall update as soon as possible -grin-


	2. The First Breaking Point

**Disclaimer:** Blinded Ryter does not own _Yu-Gi-Oh!_ nor its character. Story title credit goes to the actual non-fictional self-mutilator book.

**Bright Red Scream**  
_By Blinded Ryter_

02 - The First Breaking Point

The cacophony of the alarm blaring into the air without warning woke Yuugi Motou from his sleep, thus leaving him in an foul mood. Muttering incoherently under his breath as he lazily turned onto his side, the boy laid in his bed, and pulled the covers over his head, ignoring the alarm as he did so. Yuugi hoped that the annoying sound would go away, and that he wouldn't have to wake up on a Monday morning to go to school. Yuugi usually got up without complaint on other mornings, but he just wasn't a Monday morning person. The alarm did cease to ring, but it was Yuugi's other half, Atem that pushed the SNOOZE button to silence the sound.

"Aibou," Atem called out in a soft voice as he shook Yuugi's shoulder gently. The Yami leaned down to kiss Yuugi's cheek lightly in an affectionate manner before pulling away. "My dearest apologies for waking you, but you need to get ready for school."

Yuugi let out a quiet sigh in defeat before slowly sitting upright. He stifled a yawn as he blinked the last few specks of sleep from his violet eyes. Atem couldn't help but smile in amusement at the sight of a disheveled and half-asleep Yuugi.

"Thanks for waking me, Atem..." Yuugi mumbled in a daze as he climbed out of the bed.

"You're welcome," Atem replied as he began to walk towards the opened doorway. "Go and get dressed. I'll be waiting for you downstairs."

Yuugi nodded in agreement before padding over to the bathroom that was attached to his bedroom, muttering something bitter about stupid Monday mornings as he did so. Snatching his school uniform along the way, Yuugi entered the bathroom, and closed the door behind him. Out of habit, he sub-consciously locked the door, but this time, Yuugi's intention was to take a shower, not to harm himself in any manner.

After taking a quick shower and drying himself off, Yuugi began to dress into the navy school uniform. From the corner of his eye, Yuugi caught the sight of his bare chest in the mirror before he was about to put his shirt on. Holding the article of clothing in his hands, Yuugi paused, and turned to face his reflection, or to be more specific, the scars on his flesh. Scars that ranged in length and width could be seen all over on his pale skin. They were scattered throughout his chest in almost the manner of a talented yet utterly twisted artist who was of the horror and macabre style. The scars were faded now and barely visible, but the ones that had been deep had gathered scar tissue around the edges, and gave Yuugi's chest a horrific and monstrous appearance.

Not a single emotion was stirred as Yuugi stared at his scars, nor did a single thought cross the boy's mind. There was no guilt, no disgust, no self-hate. With every cut, a fragment of Yuugi's humanity had been exchanged, thus leaving him as walking lifeless corpse lusting for another cut. Putting on a façade and fooling everyone had been the easiest stage act for Yuugi, but as for feeling something real other than physical pain…? That no longer happened…except with Atem. Atem never failed to put an unforced smile on Yuugi's face, nor be the cause for a laughter that was not faked to escape the boy's lips. Atem could comfort Yuugi when he was in pain, put his troubled emotions at ease, and also be the best thing that had ever happened to Yuugi in his life.

It was Karma, Yuugi had assumed. In exchange for not being able to cut, Yuugi was given Atem, someone he could always go to, talk about everything and nothing with, and literally call his other half. Though, Yuugi had yet to tell Atem about his scars, or even show them. If Yuugi had to choose one over the other, which one would Yuugi miss the most? The switchblade or Atem?

"Atem, of course," Yuugi said firmly to himself as he resumed dressing.

_/'What are you talking about, Aibou?'/_ Atem's voice inquired inside of Yuugi's head.

Yuugi silently thanked Ra that he had closed his mind-link with Atem earlier; if Atem heard Yuugi's thoughts, or was given even the slightest hint that Yuugi was not as okay and happy as everyone assumed him to be, the Yami would do everything in his power to find out what was wrong with his Hikari.

_/'It's nothing,'/_ Yuugi assured his other half. _/'I'm almost done. I'll be there in five.'/_

There was a pause of silence before Atem responded. _/'I'll be waiting, Aibou.'/_

The conversation ended there, but Yuugi wondered if it was a hint of doubt he had heard in Atem's voice. Yuugi bit his lower lip. What if Atem _had _heard Yuugi's thoughts to himself earlier? Or what if Atem was beginning to notice something wrong and was catching on?

Yuugi let out a quiet and weary sigh. "I'll just wait and see," he told himself as he quickly buttoned his shirt, then strapped the black neck collar around his neck.

Not wanting to make Atem wait another moment longer, Yuugi rushed downstairs, and greeted his other half in the kitchen. The two shared breakfast with Solomon, and engaged themselves in a conversation that was both amusing and enjoyable for everyone. Once they were done, Yuugi and Atem bid Yuugi's grandfather good-bye, and left the game shop, so they could begin their walk towards school.

Atem was had been enrolled in Yuugi's school for nearly three weeks, and adjusted well to the modern school system. Everyone thought that Atem was Yuugi's older twin, but Atem claimed that he was Yuugi's "cousin transferring from Egypt." What else were they going to say? That Atem was Yuugi's darker half, and used to share one body, because Atem was originally a spirit that was trapped inside a puzzle? No, that was the last thing Yuugi and Atem wanted to say. Nonetheless, the students believed in the lie Atem and Yuugi told, but Yuugi honestly didn't think it would matter if Atem confessed and said that he was back from the dead, because the older boy already had a fan club of obbessed and flustered high school girls. His dashing good-looks, alluring charm, polite manners, and clever wit had given him a high position in the social ladder, but Atem never chose any fangirl or popular kid over his friends, especially his Aibou.

The school day was going well for Yuugi. He took a literature quiz with ease, ate lunch with his friends, talked with Atem on the roof during break period, and was praised by a teacher for the excellent result of a recent Calculus test, but things began to go down hill during the last ten minutes of the last of the day. Yuugi was sitting at his desk, and working on an essay that was due in three days time. His mind was solely focused on the assignment until his train of thought came to an abrupt halt by his sharp ears picking up the words "cutting" and "razor" behind him. Yuugi felt the breath catch in his throat, and his eye twitch. Biting his lower lip, Yuugi closed the mind-link and steadied himself, then continued to listen to the conversation.

"Like I said, I cut every night," a boy declared in a casual tone. "I do it with a razor those emo kids use."

Yuugi recognized the voice belonging to Shou Takima. Shou was an average student, neither good nor bad, but Yuugi had picked up a hint of arrogance in the boy's voice. Yuugi stopped writing and gripped his pencil tightly, but it wasn't because of Shou's obvious and foolish pride, but because the demons of his past were beginning to surface within him just at the mentioning of self-mutilation.

"What?!" another boy exclaimed in surprise. "Why? Are you depressed, Shou?"

Shou laughed good-naturedly. "Not at all. I do it with my girlfriend. It's fun. I don't understand why those emo fags are still depressed after they slit their wrists. It gets you fucking high."

Yuugi's pencil snapped in two. The top half fell to the tiled floor as Yuugi clenched his other hand so tightly that his nails dug into his skin, and drew blood. There was only a prick of pain, but the emotions that were being stirred violently by the demons inside of his heart were now almost in complete control of the boy. A crack had began to split Yuugi's carefully composed façade into two, and his mask was beginning to crumble at a rapid rate.

"I used to do it…" a girl admitted in a barely audible voice.

"Really?" Shou asked, interested sparked in his voice. "What did you use?"

Shou's question made Yuugi dig his nails even deeper into his palm, and set off a fuse within the boy. The last fragment of his mask had chipped off and fallen, thus leaving behind a Yuugi Motou that was infuriated and offended beyond belief. Before Yuugi could even give himself a moment to think straight, the boy slammed his palms down on the desk, jumped to his feet, and wheeled around abruptly to face Shou and his friends.

"DOES IT EVEN MATTER?!" Yuugi screamed at the top of his lungs, strands of his hair falling wildly into his violet eyes that held a brightly lit flame of rage.

Yuugi's words bounced off the walls and echoed in the air until the sound faded away and tapered softly at the end. A harsh silence had fallen upon the classroom. All eyes were turned upon Yuugi in confusion and shock. Even the teacher stared at the her top student in bewilderment. From the corner of his eye, Yuugi saw his friends, including Atem, stare at him with perplexity stricken across their faces, but Yuugi was blinded by sheer burning fury to let his senses bring clarity to his mind. Due to anger and outrage, Yuugi was breathing heavily, and his eyes had narrowed into a piercing glare that made those whom he laid eyes upon feel like the scum of the earth. There was an impulse inside of Yuugi to strike Shou for being so goddamn naïve and stupid, but most of all, Yuugi wanted to scream at his own stupidty and foolishness for letting his composure falter, and reveal his true nature, his true self.

Shou and his friends blinked and exchanged glances in confusion before Shou turned his eyes to Yuugi. The boy raised an eyebrow and tilted his head slightly.

"What's the big deal, Motou?" asked Shou in a casual tone. "I was just asking what she used."

Yuugi scoffed as heat surfaced onto his face. He could utterly not believe his ears. Was this what the world, what kids of society today had come to? Seeing self-mutilation as something to jab fun at? Something to be stereotyped as "emo", and mused over with blinding arrogance and foolishness?

"What's the big deal?" Yuugi echoed in mockery, his tone holding a harsh edge that sounded alien to his classmates. "Do you think of cutting as a game? Entertainment?" the boy hissed, venom dripping off every single syllable that rolled off the tip of his tongue. "Well, guess what? It's not. There's a reason behind every cut, and even though it may be for the spur of the moment sometimes, people don't do cut for entertainment and fun! Hearing you talk like this, and knowing that you _do_ something like this in the first place, is a sheer insult to every single self-mutilator out there! We are not cutting for your goddamn entertainment, so you can get ideas, and indulge yourself in some sadistic game with your girlfriend!"

Yuugi fell silent to catch his breath, and also to curse at himself. How many times had he spoken of cutting while using the word "we"? Yuugi groaned inwardly. He had truly given himself away, and slipped the truth out of his own secret.

Shou gazed at Yuugi as he paused before breaking the silence by asking the last question Yuugi wanted to answer in the world.

"So, are you a cutter too?"

Yuugi pressed his lips into a thin and firm line. He was never ashamed of being a cutter. Why would he be ashamed of something he continued to do? The only reason he ever felt guilty and shame was because Yuugi was keeping something from Atem, but otherwise, Yuugi's feelings towards self-mutilation was neutral. He could and should tell the truth. Yuugi couldn't turn time back now, and erase from everyone's minds what they had just witnessed. Kids were smart these days; it wouldn't take much for his peers to put two and two together, and come to the conclusion that indeed, Yuugi Motou was a cutter.

Yuugi clenched his both of his hands tightly. The word "Yes" was on the tip of his tongue, but Yuugi could feel Atem's gaze upon him as the other half tried to look through Yuugi's soul. For Atem's sake, Yuugi decided to lie.

"No," Yuugi answered in a calm voice. There, he lied for the thousandth time in his life. To be honest, Yuugi didn't feel bad at all.

Shou narrowed his eyes into an accusing glare. "Liar," the boy sneered, his lips pulling back a bit to reveal his canines.

Yuugi's brows knit together and his dark violet eyes narrowed into a glare that could be never be outmatched by anyone, except maybe Atem.

"Fuck you," Yuugi spat, arousing more shock from his peers. Yuugi Motou, _swearing?_ "Fuck you and your girlfriend. I hope you two burn in Hell."

As soon as Yuugi had spoken his famous last words, the bell rang for dismissal. No one dared to utter a word or make a single move. Suddenly, the atmosphere in the room felt suffocating for Yuugi, and he felt a strong desire to get out of there as soon as possible. He turned his back to Shou, and threw his belongings into his bag, not caring about the blood from his palm smearing across his books. There was also some blood smeared on the desk from when Yuugi had slammed his palms down, but all Yuugi did was give it a half-hearted wipe with his sleeve before beginning to make his way towards the door.

All eyes watched Yuugi move, but only one person stood up, and reached out to the boy.

"Aibou," Atem addressed in a serious and grave voice. The Yami had grasped onto Yuugi's arm as he spoke.

Yuugi did not reply or even cast Atem a glance as he broke free from Atem's grasp, and ran out of the room. Atem did not call for Yuugi to come back. No one did.

Adrenaline began to pump through Yuugi's veins as he ran down the hall, and rushed out of the school building. Once Yuugi was outside, he could breathe again, but his mind had cleared up as well, thus causing Yuugi to realize what he had just done. He had spoken out of character, and was at fault for his own downfall. It wouldn't be long until rumors were passed around the student body, most likely the faculty as well, about the incident this afternoon, and that Yuugi Motou was a cutter. Innocent, naïve, optimistic Yuugi Motou, the last person you would ever think was a self-mutilator.

Yuugi exhaled quietly as he slowed his pace, and began to walk down the street alone. The anger and rage inside of him were now subdued, but there was still a sickening feeling churning in the pit of his gut. The only panacea for such a wretched feeling was cutting. The urge to give in and cut was so tempting, so strong, so difficult to resist.

If it was a year earlier or so, Yuugi would have easily surrendered to those blood lusting demons living and breathing inside of him, but things were different now. He had people that cared for him and loved him, and even had Atem, his other half. Yuugi had people to live for, to be happy for, to be strong for, but Yuugi wanted to hurt himself anyway. It was selfish and pathetic, but Yuugi felt none of that, because he still couldn't feel anything real on his own without Atem there to help him, or the emotions being rage, fury, or anything that fit into the negative category.

Without warning and even startling himself, Yuugi let out a bitter laugh. He sounded mad and insane; he probably was. Yuugi wanted to cry, but for what reason? He felt no pain, agony, or misery at the moment. There was just a suffocating feeling in his chest, but the urge to cry was so strong and nearly overwhelming. Even tears brimmed his eyes, but Yuugi refused to cry. The release of tears would surely dig back the emotions he had buried away so long ago: the pain, the agony, the misery, the frustration. And with that, would come the dammned switchblade. His collection of seventy four scars would soon turn into seventy four scars and one fresh, new cut.

A rueful touched Yuugi's lips. How did a few bullies turn his pain into something so much more? One scar into seventy-four? A normal boy into a pathetic being?

Weak.

It was because Yuugi Motou was weak. His will, his soul, his heart…Yuugi in general was weak. He surrendered himself to the temptation. He sold his soul, his heart, and his humanity to the demons that were always lusting for more pain, more blood, more cuts, more scars. Yuugi was no different from any nicotine, drug, or alcohol addict; they were all unbelievably desperate and pathetic.

In the midst of drowning in his own troubled emotions and thoughts, Yuugi had arrived at the game shop. The boy stood before the entrance door for a moment to wipe the blood on his hand on the back side of his backpack. Yuugi then regained his composure. With such ease, the boy pulled on another carefully constructed mask that was flawless before stepping inside. Solomon, who was reading a newspaper behind the counter, greeted Yuugi, and also commented on how he arrived home earlier than usual.

Yuugi gave a light-hearted laugh. "Yeah, I guess I am," he replied, pulling on a casual, flawless smile. "I'll be upstairs if you need me, Grandpa."

"Mmkay," Solomon said, then added, "Yuugi, where's Atem?"

"Oh," Yuugi said, even raising his eyebrows to continue his stage act of being the best and worst fake out there. "He had run an errand for a teacher, but he'll be back soon."

"I see. That's fine," Solomon said in satisfaction with Yuugi's answer. The elderly man turned his attention back to the papers, completely oblivious to what was hiding behind Yuugi's well-composed façade.

Yuugi made his way upstairs, and locked the door. He threw his backpack down onto the faded carpet carelessly, then sat down on the edge of his bed. His shoulders rose and fell as he heaved a heavy sigh that held the weight of aggravating and bothersome stress. Yuugi leaned forward, rested his elbows on his knees, and covered his face with his hands. The boy closed his eyes and inhaled deeply before raising his head. Yuugi threw a glance at his backpack. Inside of the bag was his pencil case, and inside of his pencil case was a switchblade. Yuugi clenched his fists and narrowed his eyes into a determined glare. No, he wouldn't give in. Not yet at least. He wanted to prove himself wrong; he wanted to be strong for once in his life.

Yuugi stood from his bed, and changed out of his school uniform. The boy threw on a pair of baggy dark green cargo pants, a random maroon t-shirt, and threw on a black hoodie with a white abstract design imprinted on the dark cloth. Afterwards, Yuugi sat down at his desk, and began to work on his homework. The complex Calculus questions boggled his mind, and Yuugi was grateful for the distraction. Yuugi was struggling with number eighteen when he heard a knock on the bedroom door. Yuugi grimaced as he set his pencil down and glanced at the door. He already knew who was standing outside of his room, and what that person most likely wanted to speak about. Yuugi wanted to refuse and not let the person in, but Christ, it was Atem, and Atem tended to always get what he wanted, and in this case, it was speaking with Yuugi. Reluctantly, Yuugi rose from his chair, and padded over to the door before unlocking it.

Yuugi swung the door open, and sure enough, Atem was standing before him with a dark expression on his face. There was a serious flame burning in the pools of deep crimson, but there was also a cloud of concern and faint hurt veiled over his eyes. Yuugi noticed how Atem was still in the school uniform, and assumed that Atem must have gotten home just now.

"Aibou, we need to talk," Atem stated in a firm voice as he crossed his arms across his chest.

Yuugi did not let his innocent and confused composure falter, but he also did not move away from the doorway to let Atem in. "About what?" Yuugi asked, blinking.

"What happened today at school," Atem answered matter-of-factly.

Yuugi laughed as if he was brushing the subject off. "It's nothing serious, Atem," Yuugi assured his other half. "I just thought what Shou said wasn't right, that's all."

"It was offensive," Atem corrected as his brows knitted together. "To you."

Before Yuugi could reply, Atem pushed his way into Yuugi's room. Then, without warning or giving Yuugi time to react, the ex-Pharaoh pinned Yuugi against a wall. Yuugi's lips parted to let out a cry of both surprise and outrage, but Atem covered the boy's mouth with one hand, and muffled the angry sound. Atem used his other hand to press Yuugi's shoulder against the wall. There was so much force behind that one hand, Yuugi was beginning to feel pain, and his shoulder began to vaguely throb. The weaker boy struggled to break free, but his attempt was in vain when up against Atem, who was obviously stronger than him. Yuugi eventually fell still and turned his head to the side, so he wouldn't have to meet Atem's piercing gaze. There was a pause as Atem withdrew his hand from Yuugi's mouth.

"Aibou," Atem addressed. "Are you…" Atem's voice trailed off with hesitation. Doubt. Disbelief. "Are….are you a self-mutilator? A...cutter?"

Yuugi fell silent. The boy did not say anything for such a long period of time that Atem began to wonder if he had not spoken loudly or clearly enough. Just when Atem was about to repeat his question, Yuugi answered.

"I used to be," the smaller boy answered in a voice devoid of any emotion. There was no shame, no guilt, nothing in his tone. There were many cutters out there that _did_ feel ashamed, guilty, and wanted to desperately break the sinful habit, but Yuugi was not one of them. He was neither ashamed or proud; he simply cut.

A silence formed in the room as Atem registered Yuugi's words. After a moment, Yuugi turned his vacant and distant violet eyes to Atem. Utter disbelief and shock was stricken across Atem's face, and Yuugi couldn't blame him. Honestly, of all people Yuugi Motou was a cutter, or at least, used to be. Atem stared at Yuugi with pleading eyes, as if begging Yuugi to say that he was just kidding, and that he never intentionally harmed himself once in his life, but Yuugi did not take back his words. Atem blinked. After Atem had thoroughly processed Yuugi's words and his current behavior to their conversation, dark scarlet eyes narrowed slightly, and lips pressed into a thin and firm line.

"Why did you never tell me?" Atem growled, his voice beginning to hold an edge.

"I didn't want to," Yuugi said bluntly.

Atem's glare disappeared and shock was stricken across his face. "But…" Atem faltered and choked on his voice for a second. "I'm…your other half…Your…Yami…" Atem released his grip on Yuugi, and took a step back. A sudden flare of anger and fury flitted across Atem's face. _"You're my Aibou!"_ the taller boy exclaimed in such a loud voice that Yuugi cringed at the sound. "And I am yours! How…why…I…" Atem's words trailed off into a jumble of incomprehensible stammering.

Yuugi said nothing for a moment. His violet eyes were downcast, and not a single emotion was expressed, much to Atem's incredulity and pain. It wasn't as if Yuugi was acting like a child that was ashamed as he took a scolding from his parent, but it was as if the Hikari was acting like an empty shell that was incapable of feeling the slightest twinge of guilt.

"Are you mad?" Yuugi questioned quietly. "At me?"

Atem shook his head, then lowered his gaze to the ground bitterly. "I expected better of you, Yuugi Motou," said Atem, using Yuugi's name, so that it would emphasis how upset the Yami was. Atem raised his fierce vermillion gaze to Yuugi. "I am not mad. I am disappointed."

Strangely enough, Yuugi felt a pang in his chest. It felt so alien to him, that it took Yuugi a moment to realize that he was feeling pain. Hurt. Anguish. Disbelief. But Yuugi should have expected such a reaction from Atem or anyone in general anyways. The boy felt another pang in his chest when he felt Atem block his end of the mind-link as well; his other half was beginning to push him away by blocking him out of his mind, soul, and heart.

Without another word, Atem walked over to the door, then paused under the doorway. With his back to Yuugi, he quietly spoke words that he could not even begin to imagine how much of an impact they would have on Yuugi.

"I thought you were stronger than this."

The statement hung in the air as Atem walked away. Yuugi heard Atem enter his room, then slam the door behind him, which was quite out of the other half's character. Yuugi grimaced. He had upset Atem terribly. As Yuugi closed and locked the bedroom door, a wave of shame and guilt washed over him. The boy slid down to the floor and leaned back against the door. He began to laugh, when he should have begun crying. The pain was overwhelming now and it was nearly impossible for the boy to think straight, but Yuugi couldn't bring tears to his eyes and cry. Had he really lost that much of his humanity?

Yuugi drew his knees to his chest, linked his arms around his legs, and rested his forehead on his knees. His demons were taunting him now, telling him to go grab the switchblade, and just do it. Yuugi raised his head and stared dimly at the bag lying on its side on the ground. He was beginning to move towards it, but froze when he heard a voice in his head.

_/'If you cut again, I will utterly disown you,'/_ Atem warned in a threatening tone through their mind-link. _/'I won't even want to see your face again.'/_

Yuugi blinked in shock and trauma at the cruel and heartless words his other half had said to him. Yuugi's vision began to blur with tears. Of all people, Yuugi thought Atem would understand, or at least try to. If not understand, then listen. Yuugi wouldn't care if Atem did not say a single word. An embrace, a squeeze of the hand, or just Atem's presence besides him would have been enough. Instead, Atem turned his back against Yuugi in shame, guilt, and disgust. This meant that everyone, Solomon, Anzu, Jou, Honda, Ryou, hell, even Seto Kaiba, would do the same, perhaps even worse. It wouldn't be long until they found out about Yuugi. It was only a matter of time.

But…Yuugi didn't care. Not when the pain inside of him was unbearable, and slowly killing him inside out. Silently, Yuugi crawled over to the backpack. He unzipped the bag, and pulled out the pencil case, then took the switchblade out. Yuugi held the light-weight switchblade in his hand before using his thumb to push the blade out. The familiar clicking sound of the blade coming out caused old memories surface within Yuugi's mind. Memories of cuts, blood, tears, screams, pain…Just like the deepest scars on his body, the wretched memories would never fade, erase, or disappear.

Yuugi slipped out of his hoodie, and rolled the sleeve of his short-sleeved t-shirt up, so that his shoulder was bare, and exposing a few scars that had yet to fade. Without the slightest hint of hesitation, the boy pressed the cool metal against his skin at the right angle, then slid the sharp edge over it. The blade cut into the flesh and there was a sharp prickle of pain, but the pain was quickly replaced by a cool, refreshing sensation. Yuugi lowered the switchblade from his shoulder as he watched tints of scarlet surface, then a trickle of dark vermillion flow down his skin slowly.

"You're wrong, Atem," Yuugi said quietly as scalding tears began to trickle down his face.

In the back of his head, Yuugi remembered how any tears that had been shed, beacause of true anguish and pain was because of Atem. For example, Yuugi cried when Atem almost left for the afterlife after the Ceremonial Battle. But...Yuugi did not lose Atem to the afterlife; he lost Atem with his own hands, his own flaws, his own scars.

"I was never strong in the first place. Never was…and never will be."

More than a year worth of being c-sober was thrown away that night. Yuugi always knew that he would succumb back to this. Once a cutter, always a cutter; that was something Yuugi, and every single cutter out there in the world knew deep down in the depths of their heart, because it was merely the harsh truth.

------

**Next chapter:** Bite to Break Skin


	3. Bite To Break Skin

_**Disclaimer:** I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! nor its characters. Story title credit goes to the non-fictonal self-multitation book. Chapter title credit goes to Senses Fail._

**Bright Red Scream**  
_By Blinded Ryter _

This chapter is dedicated to every single person that has taken the time to read my story.  
And good God, thank-you so fucking much for the reviews!  
They have given me even more motivation for this story.  
I am glad that this story is able to reach out to people, and allow me to listen, respond, and help to my best extent.  
Please, never hesitate to speak to me, even if it's just to vent.  
I needed someone to listen to me in the past, and sometimes even now, so I understand fully well.  
-Blinded Ryter 

03 - Bite To Break Skin

A week had past, and just like Atem had said, the Yami had not cast a single glance or uttered one word at his former Aibou. Atem wasn't trying to avoid Yuugi, but was ignoring Yuugi without the slightest hint of effort. It was as if Yuugi was a stranger to him, or did not exist at all. The mind-link had been blocked on both ends, and the strong bond that only a Yami and a Hikari could share had been severed completely. Atem's actions inflicted wounds upon Yuugi that were deeper and more painful than any he had made with his own hands. The opposite of love was not hate, as many people believed, but ignorance. To be ignored, to be acted upon as if your existence does not hold a single morsel of worth and value in that other person's life…that was the opposite of love, and that was what Atem was doing to Yuugi.

It didn't take more than a day for the entire school to hear from their peers about Yuugi Motou possibly being a cutter. The most obvious clue to back up the gossip was Atem and his behavior. Yuugi and Atem were never seen without the other besides him, but now, the boys wouldn't even go within a twenty feet radius of the other, unless it was the seating arrangements during class. Everyone assumed Atem and Yuugi had a fall out about Yuugi's self-mutilation issue, and that was exactly what happened last night. Another clue was that Tea, Honda, Jou, and Ryou didn't spend much time with Yuugi as usual. It seemed like they had to make a reluctant effort to be around Yuugi now. Most of the times, they would hang out with Atem, and Yuugi knew that one of the reasons was because Atem was like a beacon that told Yuugi to stay the fuck away.

The behavior of his friends left Yuugi slightly confused, but mostly infuriated and baffled. First of all, they were supposed to be his _friends_, and secondly, it was something in the past! Sure, Yuugi had just one little cut a week ago, but…what the hell? They were his friends…the friends that stayed with him through the Duelist Kingdom, the incident with that ugly snake God, and so on. Yuugi would often stare at the back of his right hand, and think of the smiley face Anzu had drawn on their hands a year ago. The girl said that the ink would dissolve with time, but that their friendship would never fade from their hearts. Were those merely words waiting to be empty and no longer hold any meaning once something like this, such as Yuugi's exposure of his self-mutilation issue, crossed their lives? Yuugi believed with all his heart that his friends, Grandfather, and Atem would always be there for him, just like any other person out there in the world, but why was he alone during the time he needed them the most?

But then, this was human nature: stepping away from anything that could harm you, taint you, dirty you. Something you didn't know how to handle or react to.

Yuugi never thought that betrayal could hurt this much. The throbbing pangs in his chest that ripped his heart strings apart ruthlessly were nearly unbearable. He wasn't stabbed in the back, but stabbed right in the face. Yuugi was beginning to find the concept of forgiveness nearly impossible now. How could he forgive those who inflicted such deep wounds in whatever was left of his heart?

The worst one of them all was Yuugi's grandfather. The news of Yuugi's problem had reached the teachers, and being concerned and alarmed, they called Solomon, and told the man. Solomon and Yuugi had a talk that night, but it was more of an argument. A argument that consisted of raised voices, fierce glares, and overdramatic hand gestures. Yuugi tried to feverently explain to Solomon that he had stopped for good, but Solomon still couldn't get over the fact that Yuugi started in the first place. For the first time in Yuugi's life, he witnessed his grandfather cry. And just like Atem, just like everyone, Solomon was _disappointed_ in Yuugi, and found it hard to look at his one and only grandson now. The elderly man took Yuugi's switchblade away from him, and now there were locks on drawers where kitchen knives or scissors were held. Yuugi protested and said that such an act was utterly absurd and ridiculous, but when Solomon threatened to send Yuugi to the psychiatrist the next morning, Yuugi choked on his words before glaring daggers at the man, and locking himself in his room for the rest of the night.

Solomon didn't trust him anymore. Yuugi doubted that anyone did.

Everyone was so different now. How could people change so dynamically in one day, or even in a matter of a few minutes? Did the words "cutting", "anoxeria", "bullimia", and so on hold that much weight to change your life _and_ the people inside of it? If they knew such words meant harm, then why were they pushing Yuugi away, and not staying by his side, and trying to help him?

Yuugi was perplexed, frustrated, and bitter. Why was everyone making such a big deal about this? Yuugi wasn't being blind and naïve, but merely reasonable. Weren't they aware that self-mutilation was not a rare case? Thousands of teenagers did the same or similar thing as him. Some even burned themselves with cigarettes, or hit themselves to make bruises appear on their bodies. There was even this thing called "popping", where you would continuously pull a hair tie that was on your wrist or forearm, and make it snap and hit your arm. Each snap was more painful than the one before. Eventually, this led to a bruise, and it was something common, especially among girls. It wasn't necessarily mutilating yourself, but it might as well fit into that category, because you were intentionally harming yourself. And with self-mutilation, it could develop to anorexia, bulimia, OCDs…it was a never-ending spiral of pure Hell that would in most cases, lead to death. Still, self-mutilation and etc. were not something that was uncommon, nor something people tried to hide all the time; like most of the time, society was turning a blind eye to the things they did not want to see, believe, and accept.

Yuugi was also weary of hearing people say that he was just going through a phase, puberty, teenage depression, or something along the lines of that. Didn't people realize that it wasn't just teenagers that mutilated themselves, but even people in their twenties, thirties, and fifties? Age had nothing to do with why people began to harm themselves. It was something critical in their lives that sparked the first urge, hence the first scar. Yuugi was not alone in what he did, but society was frowning upon him, hell, turning their back to him, and making his life pure Hell.

Why were they turning his life into one of those sappy Korean dramas he loathed with the cliché painful words, and agonizing scenes? God, Ra, or who ever was the higher power may as well play a depressing piano track throughout the day. Maybe the things that were happening to him in his life, such as shocking betrayals, appeared to be cliché, because there were other people who suffered from the same blows. Betrayals, being abandoned, and so on, were pains that were so common, that they seemed cliche to people's eyes, but the truth was that in the end, no matter how cliche or fucked up it may seem, you were suffering terribly. Yuugi's suffering was no greater than anyone else's, but he was suffering alone. Yuugi did not want to suffer alone, but there was no one to go to anymore. Not his friends, his family, peers, teachers, not even Atem.

Yuugi couldn't blame them too much though. They didn't understand. They _couldn't_ understand. Only those who cut like Yuugi could understand. You could read all the books about self-mutilation to your liking, talk to a cutter, watch a documentary, and so on, but until you got yourself involved and became a self-mutilator yourself, you could never understand nor see things from a cutter's perspective. Yuugi knew that there were a few other cutters in his school, and he knew who they were. They would cast him glances with eyes full of understanding, sympathy, and pain. Yuugi would give a nod in acknowledgement, but would not go beyond that. He was simply told that he was not alone in what he did with the glances they gave him, but their actions told Yuugi that no one was willing to pull him out of this Hell, and save him.

He just wanted to be reached out to. To have someone at his side. To be told that, "I'm here to help you, listen to you, and support you." Was that too much to ask for in his life, a life where he had always put his well-being in front of others? Apparently, it was. Everyone…everyone had betrayed him and left him.

Yuugi was left alone to deal with the world, with his life, and with the demons on his own.

It was the hardest thing he was trying to do in his life.

-X-

It was only a rumor that Yuugi Motou was a cutter. No one had yet to prove it, or have evidence to back up the growing gossip. But today, three boys were determined to find out, and pass on their discovery to their peers.

Yuugi had somehow ended up being the one to clean up the field in gym class; therefore, he was the last one to finish dressing in the locker room. Yuugi sat on one of the benches between the walls of lockers, and was tying his shoelaces in silence. Everyone else had already left, including Jou, Honda, and Atem, who didn't get close to Yuugi at all during class that day. Not even a quick glance had been spared for the Motou boy.

Yuugi didn't mind though, nor care. It wasn't that he was didn't care, but he _couldn't_ care. Not anymore. His heart was dead and thrown deep into the churning sea of troubled emotions inside the pit of his gut. His sub-conscious might as well have been swallowed by the sea as well.

Yuugi realized he was wrong about being entirely alone in the locker room when he saw three shadowy figures from the corner of his eye. Yuugi raised his dimmed violet eyes that had lost their shine and luster. Yuugi saw that saw three boys were approaching him. The tri-coloured-haired boy blinked in vague surprise and confusion. He recognized one of the boys to be Shou, the ignorant and utterly stupid kid that claimed he cut himself with his girlfriend for the plain heck of it. Yuugi had lost all respect for Shou ever since, and just the sight of the dark-haired boy grated Yuugi's nerves. Yuugi turned his attention back to his shoes, and after giving one last tug, he stood up, and began to walk away.

"Woah, hold on, Motou," Shou said, stepping in front of Yuugi and blocking his way. Amusement had sparked in the boy's eyes, and a smile that resembled that of the Chesire cat in _Alice In Wonderland_ began to play on Shou's lips. "We have some business with you," Shou stated smoothly.

Yuugi felt suspicion and slight alarm slowly begin to rise within him. This situation was beginning to remind him of the past days where he was bullied and abused on a daily basis. Yuugi narrowed his eyes into a fierce glare. He was in no mood whatsoever for any fooling around. Without uttering a word, Yuugi attempted to walk pass Shou, but he was stopped by one of the other boys grabbing his shoulder. As Yuugi opened his mouth to bark out a few colorful words, the taller boy slammed Yuugi into the wall of lockers. The lockers trembled at the sudden impact and the racous sound of metal shaking was deafening to Yuugi's ears. Yuugi stifled a cry of pain as the metal hit his back, and nearly knocked the wind out of his small frame. Before Yuugi could react in any manner, he was struck across the face. The strong blow caused Yuugi to collapse onto the floor into a heap. With his jaw aching, strands of his blonde hair falling into his face, and breathing shallow and ragged, Yuugi let out a groan as he sat up slowly. The boy took a moment to catch his breath before turning his eyes to the boys and glaring daggers at all of them.

"What the hell do you want?" Yuugi spat as the heat of outrage surfaced onto his face. A faint scarlet flush had worked its way across Yuugi's cheeks.

"Giving the school what it wants," Shou answered casually as he advanced forward. He held the digital camera he was holding in his hand up for Yuugi to see. "They want evidence, and we've decided to do everyone a nice favor." Shou turned his eyes to the other two guys. "Let's strip him."

Yuugi's eyes widened before anger got a hold of him. "Touch me, and I'll fucking kill you!" he screamed, his words bouncing off the walls.

A smug smirk touched Shou's lips as he turned his attention back to Yuugi. "You've been swearing a lot lately, Motou," the dark-haired boy remarked. "Does cutting do that to you too? Turn you into a nasty foul-mouthed creature?"

Yuugi's eye twitched and he felt like a vein had burst from the scalding fury that was rising inside of him. What right did this boy have to say such things? Yuugi bit his lower lip and clenched his fists tightly. He also wondered how Shou was standing here with the intention of revealing the truth about Yuugi Motou by beating him until he was still enough to strip and take photos. How could Shou even think of this idea in the first place, and convince two other people to assist in the atrocious scheme? Could one's heart be that cruel? Yuugi bitterly reminded himself how he lived in a world where morals and characters were dying at an alarmingly rapid rate. The world wasn't a good place anymore; it was full of corrupted and greedy people hiding behind masks with the cruel intentions of getting what they desire by harming others one way or another

"Don't. touch. me.," Yuugi warned in a tone that held a harsh edge. He spoke with strong emphasis on each word slowly while he glared at the three boys hoveirng above him.

The boys did not heed Yuugi's words, because they had confronted Yuugi knowing fully well that the boy could not even defend himself against a kid in middle school. They leapt at Yuugi, and though Yuugi did his best to fight back, Yuugi was too weak, just like always. The boy was kneed in the gut, kicked in the side, struck and slapped across the face…Soon enough, things had become a blur, and all Yuugi was aware of was the excruciating pain spreading across his body like a savage wildfire. Yuugi didn't care if Shou and his pals continued to beat him, as long as they wouldn't take any photographs, and expose the true horror of Yuugi Motou's body to the world. Yuugi didn't want people to see him as the monster he truly was. This was _his_ secret, _his_ body, _his_ life! What right did they have to look at his scars?

Yuugi only had one last alternative to go to. With hesitation, but desperation as well, Yuugi cleared up his end of the mind-link and called out to his other half.

_/'Atem! Help!'/_ Yuugi cried with despair and alarm lacing his voice. Tears had begun to cascade down the boy's face, tears he did not know he was capable of shedding. Just as Yuugi had feared long ago, once the tears had begun to flow, the emotions rushed out in never-ending waves. A scream of pure anguish was caught in his throat. _/'Atem, please! I'm begging you! They're hurting me in the locker room! I can't fight back-'/_ Yuugi was cut off for a moment by being punched in the gut for the sxith time. Yuugi felt his insides twist into painful knots as he coughed violently. The pain was nearly about to send him over the edge of falling unconscious, but the dim flame of hope that Atem would come to his resuce was keeping him awake. _/'Atem, they want to see my scars! They want to take pictures and show everyone! Please, Atem! Help me! Please!'/_

But there was no reply.  
And then, Yuugi remembered why.  
Atem had blocked his end of the mind-link.  
He had pushed Yuugi out of his life, out of his soul, and out of his heart.

When this harsh realization dawned upon Yuugi, an utterly blank expression surfaced onto the boy's face. Pools of violet widened in shock and disbelief. Yuugi stopped pleading for help and fell still. Yuugi knew that Atem was never going to come, but he could not believe it nor accept it. The agonizing pain of knowing that Atem, his Yami, his other half, did not care about him anymore had paralyzed Yuugi to the bone. By the time Yuugi was lying on the cold tiled floor and embracing himself weakly as he coughed up blood, the boys had managed to rip his shirt off. Yuugi flinched when he felt the cold air bite viciously at the exposed flesh, and his body went rigid at the knowledge of knowing that he was lying under the gazes of wandering and traumatized eyes. Meanwhile, the three boys recoiled at the sight of a writhing human...creature...no, _monster_ lying below them.

There had been times when Yuugi took up the opportunity of going a bit further when his grandfather was away on a dig, or something of a sort. The boy experimented with scissors, saftey pins, kitchen knives, needles, you name it. The scars were faded, but they were still vivid and grotesque. The scar tissue that lined the scars also added to the horror. The worst one of them all was a jagged scar that ran diagonally down from his left shoulder to his right hip. Chunks of scar tissue bordered this scar and accented how deformed Yuugi appeared to be now. The scar was the result of a cut, more like a profusely bleeding wound that almost did not stop, that was done by one of those kitchen meat knives with a row jagged teeth for the edge of the blade. Yuugi could still remember how each tooth dug into his skin, and pulled away bits of flesh as he pulled it down his torso. Yuugi's pale chest had been like a clean canvas for the blood to pour its vermillion paint across it.

"Oh God, I think I'm going to throw up," a boy said before bringing his hand up to his face and covering his mouth. A muffled gagging noise followed.

There was a sharp intake of breath. "This is just…sick," another boy gasped in a breathless voice. "Fucking...sick..."

Shou did not say anything as he swallowed the acerbic and foul taste of bile that was threatening to surface at any given moment. With an ashen face and stomach churning, the boy raised the camera, and took several pictures of the horrific sight. Chest rising and falling in an uneven pattern, Yuugi laid there as he listened to the distant shutter of the camera. The white light of the flash was nearly blinding to the boy. Once Shou was done with the pictures, the boys ran out of the room as quickly as possible, so that they would not have to lay their eyes on Yuugi for another second longer.

Yuugi continued to lay there for a few minutes. Not a single thought crossed his mind as he gazed dimly across at the wall of lockers opposite of the one he was near by. The cold air bit at Yuugi's exposed fleshn mockingly. His entire body was throbbing and aching. Yuugi attempted to sit up, but his weight felt like a ton. He could still feel the lukewarm blood trickling down the corner of his lip and dripping off his chin. His face was still damp from the tears he had shed earlier. The boy blinked once before those damned tears began to surface again, but Yuugi was too emotionally drained to bother holding them in. The scalding tears of humility and shame trickled down Yuugi's face slowly.With tears, came the pitiful sobs that escaped his lips. Each convulsing sob shook his small frame, and the sound reminded Yuugi of a wounded kitten. Yuugi sobbed his heart out as wave after wave of anguish, misery, and pain crashed and enveloped his being. The boy covered his face with his hands, and curled into a tight ball as if he could disappear and be snuffed out like a candle. This pain was just too much for Yuugi.

He was so sick. Sick of everything and everyone, but mostly of himself. How did he come to be this way? _Why_ did he come to be this way? Why couldn't he be strong enough to have resisted the urge to cut in the first place? Did he not hold a strong enough place in his friends', grandfather's, and Atem's heart, so that they would stay with him until the very end? So, that they would support him, listen to him, and be there for him, instead of turning their backs against him?

Dozens questions continued to swarm inside of Yuugi's troubled mind like a horde of savage gnats...but suddenly, everything, his thoughts, his sobs, his breath, came to an abrupt halt when Yuugi caught the sight of a shaving razor across the room. Yuugi's breath caught in his throat, and a blank expression worked its way onto his face. The boy stared at the razor that laid on its side, most likely lost by a boy who had accidentally dropped it at one point in the locker room. Yuugi blinked with not a single thought crossing his mind, until he remembered that what he saw only a few feet away from him was a sharp object. The knowledge knowing that a shaving razor was a sharp object was enough to evoke the demons inside of Yuugi. Now, they were hungier than ever. They were _starving._

Yuugi sat up, and this time, the temptation had given him the strength to do so. Slowly, he managed to crawl over to the razor, and pick it up. Yuugi paused when he caught the glimpse of his reflection from the corner of his eye. Yuugi turned his head to his left where the mirror stood, and stared at his reflection. The murky rays of light in the silent room casted themselves upon the boy who was bleeding, aching, and silently crying. Yuugi blinked in bewilderment. He did not recognize this pathetic being that stared back at him at all, but then, Yuugi saw that this was what his true form was like. Yuugi Motou was not the radiant, optimistic, and joyful young boy everyone believed he was to be, but a cutter begging at the knees of blood lusting demons to take over, and help another scar to be marred across his flesh.

Yuugi did not stare at his reflection for long, because the demons reminded him of the tempting sharp object he held in his hands. Yuugi observed the razor for a prolonged moment before the desire, the urge, the impulse overwhelmed him. His demons possessed him completely, and led his hand to run the razor down from his left shoulder and to the center of his forearm. The blades cut into his soft skin with ease, and sharp pain trailed along its path down the boy's arm. Once the act had been done, Yuugi let his hand fall to his side, and locked his gaze upon his arm. Blood, the lurid and vivid hue of vermillion, rose to the cuts, and began to trickle down Yuugi's arm slowly. Because the standard shaving razor carried three blades, three long cuts had been made in one stroke. Yuugi stared at the sight of the three cuts, intrigued at this new discovery. More than one cut in just one stroke? Three times the original pain. Three times the original number of cuts. It was practical and convenient. A standard shaving razor. Why had Yuugi not thought of this before?

The pain of the cuts faded away quickly and was replaced by the cool and refreshing sensation, just like every time Yuugi had harmed himself in the past. This sensation cleared up Yuugi's mind and brought clarity to the boy's eyes, but instead of realizing that he was spiraling even more down a tower that would lead to his doom, Yuugi realized that it wouldn't be long before people would enter the locker room. One of the last things Yuugi wanted was for people to actually witness the aftermath of him self-mutilating. Yuugi should have been drowning in a pool of guilt, shame, and panic for what he had just done, but the boy did not know any better. He had reached clarity again, but it was a tainted clarity, one that left him with a blind fold tied around his eyes. Yuugi himself could not take that blind fold off. Someone else had to reach out to Yuugi, pull the cloth away from his sight, and bring true clarity to his eyes, but no one was willing to do that for Yuugi.

Oblivious to how much farther he had traveled down his dark path that was inveitably leading to his death with the circumstances in Yuugi's life at the moment, the sixteen-year-old ran into the restroom, and held the razor under the faucet water, so that the blood would come off the blades that showed faint streaks of crimson. Then, Yuugi got rid of the object entirely by throwing it in the trash bin. To stop the bleeding and clean up the wounds, Yuugi grabbed a handful of paper towels, and pressed them against the cuts. By simply applying pressure to his arm for a few seconds, the blood finished clotting, and he was no longer bleeding. Yuugi wadded the paper towels up and threw them away before cleaning the blood off his face, the result of Shou and his friends having thrown a few punches at the boy's face. Yuugi was sure that he would have at least one black eye by tomorrow, but Yuugi pushed that thought to the back of his head; he couldn't care less, because no one would worry for Yuugi when they saw such a bruise. Yuugi grabbed another handful of towels. This time, Yuugi did not use them. Instead, he ran them partially under the water, before wadding them up into crumpled balls that ranged in shape and size. The boy threw these unused paper towels into the trash bin, thus covering the wads with specks of crimson showing.

Yuugi was getting rid of the evidence to the sin he had just committed, or at least concealing it, but deep down, Yuugi knew that the sin itself would never erase, just like the cuts on his arms which would soon turn turn into cuts. Yuugi was aware of what he had done, but not guilty. No, never guilty. Never ashamed. Never regretful.

Yuugi left the restroom and returned to his area in the locker room. The fibers of his shirt had been torn, and even splatters of blood could be seen here and there. Yuugi's shirt was ruined and he did not have a spare. Fortunately, when Yuugi pulled the dark navy jacket over the shirt, none of the blood or torn fibers could be seen. As Yuugi got dressed again and created a stoic composure for him to wear for the rest of the day, he took note of how much _better_ he felt now. His heart felt more at ease, he could think "clearly" again, and he felt like he was in control. Yuugi was in control of his own life, and with knowledge, he felt a bit stronger.

But perhaps not to his eyes, but of others and in the eyes of reality, Yuugi was not in control of his life at all. It was his demons that were in control of his life, but Yuugi was not unaware of this. Once again, Yuugi had no one to point this out for him, no one to rip that blind fold away from his eyes.

Yuugi felt exhilarated and a sense of adrenaline had begun to course through his veins rapidly. The boy was experiencing the equivalent of being high from smoking, but in a different sense, a cutter's sense. But when Yuugi arrived at his classroom (not to mention that he was unbelievably late) and saw accusing eyes turn to him the instant he stepped into the room, things crashed and burned. The bliss Yuugi had just experienced moments ago had burned into ashes, and all that was left behind was the face of harsh reality. The teacher berated Yuugi for being tardy, but it was a half-hearted scold. Yuugi noticed how the woman couldn't even meet Yuugi's gaze; she was at unease of looking into tainted eyes clouded with sin. The teacher quickly dismissed Yuugi and told him to go take his seat. After mumbling a barely audible apology to his teacher, Yuugi turned and walked down the aisle of desks. Yuugi brushed by Atem, but once again, the Yami did not even acknowledge Yuugi's presence...but this time, something had changed.

Before, Yuugi would always cast pained glances at his other half, let agony stricken his face, or lower his bitter gaze to the ground and appear heartbroken, but Yuugi did not express any of his pain this time. He no longer felt it. The recent three cuts had created a new wall around his heart, but the last precious thing Yuugi carried inside of him was the price he paid for this newly discovered strength: his ability to feel real emotions from and for Atem. Yuugi was now truly an empty shell with a dead soul. Yuugi simply walked pass Atem as if he did not exist. From the corner of his eye, Yuugi caught the glimpse of Atem's body going rigid, as if the Yami had recoiled from the sudden change of Yuugi's actions, but Yuugi did not care anymore. He was experiencing something called unapologetic apathy, and would be for the rest of his life if things did not take on a better change soon.

Yuugi sat down at his desk, and instead of paying attention to the lecture like usually would, Yuugi gazed absently with mild-interest out the window that stood his left. As Yuugi watched the iridescent azure sky with vague interest, he realized that he had fully returned to being a cutter again. He cut last week and he cut just now. What would not stop him from doing it again this evening? Yuugi needed it, wanted it, and craved for it. It was the only thing that would keep him sane and alive. The latter was ironic in some sense, since people always assumed that cutters harmed themselves in the slow or hesitant pursuit of ending their own lives, but the truth was that for most, it was quite the opposite. Cutting was the only thing many of them had left to hold onto, but Yuugi's grasp was becoming weaker with each day.

It wouldn't be long before Yuugi finally let go if things continued to stay this way. There was a strong, bitter, and morbid belief within Yuugi that things would change for only for the worse from here on out.

He was giving up on himself.  
He was giving up on his life.

And there was no one to save him.

------

**Blinded Ryter - **Once again, thank-you to all of my reviewers. Honestly...this is just amazing, the feedback I have gotten so far from this story. I'm glad that people have been given the oppurtunity to release, vent, confess, or whatever else you want to call it. If you wish to speak to me, but don't want it to be public, you could always PM me. I will try to reply to you ASAP and in the best way possible (:

Next chapter: The Crows Are Coming For Us


	4. The Crows Are Coming For Us

_**Disclaimer:** I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! nor its characters. The story title credit goes to the actual non-fictional self-mutilation book. The chapter title credit goes to First From to Last's album Heroine._

**Bright Red Scream  
**_By Blinded Ryter_

_This chapter is for my readers and reviewers.  
Thank-you so much for your support.  
You won't believe how easily your words bring a smile to my face._

04 - The Crows Are Coming For Us

Yuugi Motou had never been suicidal for the four years he had been a cutter. He had been utterly alone during those years, but to add on some more irony to the boy's story, Yuugi had people in his life _now_, but their actions and behavior were pushing him to the edge. Yuugi no longer had the fear of falling and hitting rock bottom. In other words, encountering death, and surrendering to it.

Just like how the first thought of wanting to cut crossed his mind when he was twelve, the tainted and dark thought of suicide crossed the boy's mind four years later out of the blue. It was as if a damn had been broken and released an abundant rush of plausible ideas. It was simply a matter of choosing which one to carry out, because there was nothing holding Yuugi back from acting upon whatever decision he made. Who would complain if he left the world now? Yuugi wasn't acting blindingly depressed and ignorant, but being quite reasonable in his current situation which you could dubb as "living Hell". His grandfather, friends, and Atem couldn't even lay eyes on him anymore. What place did he have in their hearts now? If Yuugi did die, of course they would be upset, but instead of remembering Yuugi in the way he wanted to be remembered, Yuugi Motou would leave this world as the boy that wasn't strong enough, that was _too weak, _to face life. But Yuugi would be dead, so why would he care any longer about what others thought of him?

The only hesitation and reluctance Yuugi had was the idea of an afterlife. Apparently, there was some sort of afterlife, which Yuugi had learned from the Ceremonial Battle. Yuugi wanted to be snuffed out like a candle, not go to Heaven, Hell, or whatever place would be waiting for him in the next life. The boy didn't want to carry on being conscious and still living in some odd sense. Yuugi just wanted his story to end, and he didn't want his story to end with any insightful metaphors or touching phrases. Just like how Shakespeare had written in one of his pieces, Yuugi wanted the last page of his story to say, _"He died."_

That was what death was. Then end of your life, not the beginning of another. It was as simple as that, and nothing more and nothing less.

-X-

By the time Yuugi had arrived at school the next day, he was already receiving disgusted and/or horrified glances from his peers. The teachers were forced to turn their heads away from Yuugi when they saw him approaching, or suddenly find the tiled floor interesting. The cacophony of casual chattering would turn into low hushed murmuring, and people would turn more animated when they saw Yuugi in their sights. The pictures Shou had taken had already been printed out, and to be Asian high school drama cliché as possible, someone had stood on the rooftop of the school building. In their arms had been hundreds of the print outs which were thrown off the edge, and fluttered down to the school courtyard. The curious and confused students would catch or pick up a piece of paper, then scream or gasp in horror. A few students were even taken to the clinc after vomiting or fainting.

Yuugi had caught a glimpse of a print out on his way to school. There were only two words, "YUUGI MOTOU" printed across the top, and the pictures followed. The largest one was the scar made by the teeth-edged kitchen knife, the worst of Yuugi's scars. Yuugi did not recoil or repulse; they were his scars after all. For the most part, Yuugi found the scars intriguing.

Jou, Honda, Anzu, and Ryou were no longer hanging out with Yuugi. They weren't going to stop being his friends, but they simply were going to keep their distance from the boy. Jou made this clear by saying, "You need to straighten yourself out, Yug. You…have some serious issues."

Yuugi did his best to refrain from using the pathetic phrase, "I thought you guys were my friends," but ended up saying it anyways.

Jou turned his troubled eyes elsewhere. "We can't help you, until you help yourself, okay? We…we never thought you had a problem like this-"

"It's not a problem," Yuugi snapped, turning defensive.

Jou narrowed his eyes at Yuugi. "Well, then, what is it?"

Yuugi pressed his lips into a thin and firm line as he searched his mind for an answer. He was curious as to what the answer was. If self-mutilation wasn't a "problem", then what was it?

"It's a demon," Yuugi answered coolly before turning his back to Jou, and walking away.

It was amazing how you could go through a year of such chaos and turmoil with people, and be betrayed so easily.

As for Atem?

First thing Atem did when he saw Yuugi that day was slap him harshly across the face, then turn around briskly, and walk away. No verbal explanation needed to be said. The slap had been more than enough. The stinging pain and heat that followed reminded Yuugi how this was the first time Atem had ever intentionally harmed him. Yuugi nearly broke down right there and then, but for some unfathomable reason, he had been able to make it to his desk, and hold the tears in. He settled for putting his head down for the rest of the class period.

The rest of the school day went by in a blur. It was as if Yuugi was on the other side of a television screen, and watching someone's story, his story, be unraveled. What Yuugi saw with his own eyes didn't seem like it could possibly be his life. The past year had been so much brighter and appealing. There were exciting adventures, perils where friendship always pulled through, and so on, but what Yuugi enjoyed the most were the small moments in that year, the ones none of them had a care in the world. The best ones were simply a joke being shared between his friends, or those late night conversations with Atem. Yuugi desperately wanted to hold onto a time when nothing mattered, but his hands were now full with picking up a sharp object.

The school day eventually drew to an end. Without casting a single remorseful glance at the people who once used to be his friends, Yuugi walked home alone.

Solomon wasn't in the game shop today. The man had left just yesterday for a dig. It was something that could take his mind off of things. In other words, Solomon needed to get away from his grandson who turned out to be something he never imagined. It was too much for the old man's weakening heart.

The first thing Yuugi decided to do when he got home was to take a shower. The boy winced and let out a sharp hiss of pain when the hot water hit the recent bruises and cuts that had yet to heal. The dark violet blemishes, some of which were almost black, were the marks Shou and his pals left on Yuugi's body. The bruises were still tender and painful. Whenever Yuugi moved in some angle that applied pressure on a bruise, pain would flit across his face. People instantly assumed that Yuugi's face contorted in pain, because of his cuts, but honestly, the cuts did not hurt anymore. They were merely just there, personified as a bright red scream standing out on his pale flesh, but concealed by clothes just like always.

Yuugi had brought a standard shaving razor with him into the shower. It was something neither Atem or Solomon thought of as a sharp object. They had looked over it, because their minds latched onto the belief that knives, scissors, and the such were the only items a cutter could use. But oh, how wrong they were. Needles, nails, standard shaving razors, the broken shards from a CD case…there were so many possibilities. If Atem and Solomon wanted to protect Yuugi, or whatever they thought they were doing to help, they would have had to lock Yuugi up in a padded room with a straight-jacketwhere not a single object would be in his reach.

But the best idea, would have been just to reach out to him, and support him. Maybe then, Yuugi could face his demons, and fight them.

Yuugi got a grip on the handle of the razor. Three cuts in one stroke. How practical and convenient it was in a cutter's opinion. Yuugi ran the razor down his right arm this time, since his last cut with a shaving razor had been on his left arm. Yuugi exhaled slowly as the cool metal blades cut into the tender and soft flesh, and released some of the pent up emotions inside of him. As blood began to run Yuugi's arm and the falling water quickly washed it away, Yuugi began to muse. Simply put, he wondered why he had begun cutting again.

In the past, it was the severe bullying and harassment that pushed Yuugi over the edge. Was it being betrayed and abandoned this time by the people he loved? Was that the breaking point this time? Or was it to release his pain and troubled emotions? Or perhaps it was to numb the unbearable throbbing inside of his chest? To subdue the strong urge to scream until his throat bled? Hold the scars as trophies? Yuugi honestly did not know. He assumed that it was a mixture of many reasons turning into one, but being a cutter, Yuugi really didn't give much of a damn for why he was harming himself again. As long as it wasn't for something utterly absurd such as sadistic entertainment, like Shou and his girlfriend, any reason would do. Yuugi didn't care for a reason. All he knew for sure was that at that given moment, he was cutting.

After Yuugi was done with the shower, dried himself off, and got dressed into some comfy and casual clothes, the boy sat down at his desk, and began to work on his homework. Who would have thought that doing homework would end up being the only normal thing when his life turned into turmoil? Yuugi had been on the verge of giving up on school entirely, but school work proved to be a good distraction for the boy. Unfortunately for Yuugi that evening, the boy was disturbed by a certain someone knocking on his door.

_'He turns his back against me, but still has the nerve to knock on my door?'_ Yuugi asked himself sarcastically before debating whether he should let Atem in or not. Scowling bitterly at his Chemistry homework, Yuugi decided just not to say anything at all in vain hope that Atem would just give up and go away.

There was another knock, then a pause as if there was a moment of hesitation. Yuugi's body went rigid and tense when he heard the doorknob be turned and a click as Atem stepped inside. Yuugi mentally berated himself harshly. Of all days, why did he forget to lock his bedroom door today? Though he could feel Atem draw closer and his other half's gaze fall upon him, Yuugi refused to even glance at the Yami. If Yuugi didn't want Atem in his room, then it meant that Yuugi had even a stronger desire not to speak with him. Without having uttered a word, Atem slapped a piece of paper onto Yuugi's desk and over his Chemistry homework. It was one of those print outs made by Shou. Yuugi did not react in any way, but remain still and silent. Why would he falter at the sight of his own scars? Nonetheless, Yuugi could still feel Atem's eyes upon him, and it was close to grating away Yuugi's last nerve.

"Well?" said Atem in a tone that expected Yuugi to give a straight forward answer.

"Well, what?" Yuugi replied curtly, his eyes still on the desk.

"The picture. The scars. This," Atem traced the jagged scar caused by the teethed knife in the picture. "Explain, now."

Yuugi clenched his fists under his desk tightly. How dare this boy barge into his room, slap a photo before him, and demand answers?! Pharaoh or not, Atem could be one hell of a bitch sometimes, just like now.

"Why does it matter to you?" Yuugi countered with a question.

"Because you're my Aibou."

Just like the fuse Shou had set off inside of Yuugi when he was speaking about cutting in such a rude and offensive manner, Atem had set off a fucking bomb with his answer. Yuugi jumped to his feet so abruptly that he knocked the chair over, but Atem did not flinch or react in any manner. The other half merely stayed calm and kept a steady gaze on the fuming Yuugi.

"Aibou?" Yuugi echoed with a tone of incredulity before letting out a scoff. Yuugi then narrowed his dark violet eyes into a fierce glare. "Do you know how much of a hypocrite you sound like right now, Oh-Great-Pharaoh?" Yuugi spat mockingly with venom dripping off his words. "You really think you have the right to call me 'Aibou' after not having even looked at me for the past month?! And you even hit me this morning!" Yuugi cried and had now begun to use frantic hand gestures. "You said it with your own words that you would 'disown' me if I cut again that first night, and yeah, that's exactly what you did. So, why are here, pretending that you give a care about me-"

"Aibou-"

_"DON'T CALL ME THAT!"_ Yuugi screamed so loudly that his throat had begun to hurt. Breathing heavily now, the boy continued to rant. "I. am. not. your. Aibou!" he declared through gritted teeth. "What right do you have to barge into my room and demand answers like this? What's wrong with you? With all of you? You, my so-called-friends, and even Grandpa turn their back against me just because of this-"

"How can you speak of self-mutilation so lightly?" Atem interrupted, his voice raising a little. His brows knitted together and his eyes narrowed into a crimson glare. Atem took a step forward, thus towering above Yuugi even more and giving off the apperance of authority. "You act as if cutting your own body with your own hands is a normal thing to do. You act as if there is nothing wrong with it."

The nails that were digging into Yuugi's palms finally broke the skin, and began to drew blood. It was almost visible to see Yuugi trembling in outrage that was threatening to break out any moment. Yuugi's voice choked in his throat, because what Atem had said was true, but obvious and common sense at the same time. Of course cutting felt like a "normal thing" for Yuugi. Yuugi knew that it was wrong, but he didn't feel that way. He was viewing his life from a cutter's perspective, not from Atem's or any non-cutter's eyes. They couldn't understand. They just couldn't.

Yuugi exhaled slowly as if he was trying to put out that burning flame of rage inside of him. In a cold voice that held a sharp edge, the boy spoke.

"Get out."

Atem blinked, as if he had misheard Yuugi. For the first time since he had entered the room, his calm and stoic composure slipped. "…what?"

"I. said. get. out.," Yuugi repeated with patience that was being tested again. "I don't want to see your face anymore. I am so fed up with you. So, get out. Now."

Pain flitted across Atem's face for a fraction of a second before his grave and serious demeanor returned. He bit his lower lip and lowered his gaze to the ground, as if he did not know what to say.

"Aibo-...Yuugi," Atem addressed as he raised his eyes to Yuugi. Agony and pain were clouded over the taller boy's eyes. Atem parted his lips again to speak, but he closed his mouth. The Yami was lost for words.

Drawing in a shaky breath, Yuugi brought a hand to his head, and ran his hand through his hair, a clear sign of distress. As he lowered his hand, Yuugi folded his arms across his chest, and scowled at the faded carpet below them.

"I called for you, Atem," Yuugi began to say. The boy's voice was barely audible, but the hints of bitterness and hurt were clearly heard. "I called for you when they did this to me," Yuugi gestured to the print out on the desk, "But you didn't hear me. You _couldn't_ heard me, because you didn't _want_ to hear me at all. You…didn't come…"

Yuugi's cracking voice trailed off as his throat became ridiculously dry and his voice was choked with tears that were slowly surfacing. The tri-coloured-haired boy brought the back of his hand to his lips in a vain attempt to stifle a sob. Yuugi knew that if he spoke again, sobs would follow as well, but Yuugi's emotions were so overwhelming. The only way to vent was by confessing.

"They hurt me…" Yuugi continued as his body began to shake uncontrollably, just like his voice. Yuugi closed his eyes tightly as the vivid and clear memories of what occurred in the locker room began to replay in his head like a tarred film strip. The memories were fragments, but they were the scenes with the most impact on the boy. The clenched fists, the cruel eyes, the blood, the smug smirk, the blinding light of the flash…"They beat me. And yeah, you're right Atem. Everyone's right. I'm weak. I'm so goddamn weak..." Yuugi exhaled as he opened his eyes. His vision was blurred by tears that had yet to fall. Yuugi stared dimly at the floor for a prolonged moment before raising his gaze to meet Atem's. As soon as crimson met violet, agony and pain contorted Yuugi's face for a fraction of a second before fury sparked in the pools of amythest and outrage surfaced onto his face.

_"But you didn't come!"_ he exclaimed at the top of his lungs, his body tensing as he stated the truth. Though his trembling voice cracked, it was loud enough to echo in the air. Tears began slowly trickle down Yuugi's face and a pitiful sob escaped the boy's lips. "You didn't come when I needed you the most! You promised me that you would _always_ be there for me! I'm not just talking about the incident in the locker room, but for the past month in general. I'm hurting alone, I'm suffering alone, I'm going through Hell alone, I'm alone period."

Yuugi stopped speaking there. The sobs had become so convulsing that his body shook with each one. Yuugi turned his tearful gaze away from Atem and closed his eyes tightly, wishing that everything could just stop. The pain, the tears, the temptations, the ridicules at school, this Hell which was his life…Yuugi just wanted everything to stop and come to an end. He was tired, he was weary, he was sick. So goddamn sick.

While Yuugi continued to cry, Atem stared at the other boy in bewilderment and shock. Atem blinked, as if his still could not register the words Yuugi had just spoken. He stared at Yuugi blankly for a moment. Atem reached a hand out to Yuugi, but when his fingertips touched the boy's shoulder, Yuugi flinched and stepped back as if reacting upon instinct. But when Atem met Yuugi's eyes and saw something called fear wavering in the pools of agonized and hopeless violet, Atem realized that Yuugi was afraid of Atem now. For what? Was it because Atem hit Yuugi this morning? Or…was Yuugi afraid that Atem would only hurt him again emotionally, mentally, and physically in general?

Swallowing hard, Atem took a step forward and tried to reach out for Yuugi again, but Yuugi inhaled sharply as recoiled. Atem withdrew his hand with his lips parted slightly in shock and his face blank. Yuugi was afraid of being _touched _by Atem, but not afraid to _cut his own skin?_

"Just…go," Yuugi said once more. His voice was desperate now, his words a plea. "Please."

Atem's eyes softened with the hurt of rejection. "Aibou…" he called out weakly.

Yuugi turned his sorrowful eyes to Atem and let a rueful smile touch his lips. "You know what, Atem?" he said in a bittersweet tone. "I really liked you. I really did," the boy confessed, then let out a half-hearted laugh. "Because of you, I went c-sober for a year. I didn't want you to be ashamed of me, or abandon me. I wanted you to be proud of me for who I was…but I think, deep down, I just wanted you to accept me for what I was as well: a cutter. Then, maybe you could help me fight my demons. I really believed that. I trusted you, I loved you…You were my other half, my partner, but most of all, my friend." The strained smile faded away as Yuugi exhaled slowly. His eyes grew dim and he shook his head. "But not anymore. You're worse than any blow I've ever gotten, worse than any cut I've ever made. Bruises and scars fade, but the wounds in the heart? They haven't even begun to heal. Everyday more salt is poured on them, especially by you." Yuugi brought a hand to his other arm and grasped it lightly. Pain was stricken across the boy's face as he gazed at Atem and a new rush of tears began to surface.

"So, please, Atem, get out. Get out of this room, get out of my life. I'll get out of yours, if you'll get out of mine."

Yuugi closed his eyes as another tear cascaded down the boy's cheek. A shuddering intake of breath shook his body. After a prolonged moment, Yuugi opened his eyes and smiled. That brilliant, warm smile of Yuugi's had formed on his lips at such a painful time. "I'm sorry," he even apologized, when he had nothing to apologize for. "I know, these words hurt, but it's the truth. I hate hurting you, because I love you...but I'll just ask you one last thing: get out. Now."

A silence fell upon the room as Atem stared at Yuugi in utter disbelief and shock. Tints of faint scarlet had surfaced onto the skin around Atem's eyes, and heat had begun to prick the flesh as well. Atem could not believe what he was hearing, but most of all, he could not believe how Yuugi had smiled and apologized just for him, the person that let Yuugi down and wasn't there for him when the Hikari needed Atem the most. Atem swallowed hard as he blinked furiously to hold the tears in. He tried to speak, but the tears had gotten a hold of his throat. And the look in Yuugi's wavering eyes were begging Atem not to say anything at all, because nothing more needed to be said.

Without uttering a word, Atem turned his back to Yuugi like he had done so many times, and walked out of the room...and out of Yuugi's life, just as the boy had wished.

Once Atem had closed the door behind him, and Yuugi heard his footsteps fade away, the boy fell to his knees and laughed bitterly. He was doing it again; laughing like a mentally insane person instead of crying like a normal human being. He hated himself even more now. What a hypocrite he was, what a fool. Yuugi desperately wanted someone to stay by his side, but instead, Yuugi had done the exact opposite; he pushed Atem away, and perhaps even for eternity. But what hurt Yuugi even more was that Atem did not refuse. He protest, he didn't stand his ground like he always did in the past to whatever hardships and challenges came along his way. Why? Was Yuugi that hopeless, that pathetic, that far gone? Was he really that much of a loss that he could not be saved?

Yuugi stared at his palms, and the blood from his nails having broken the skin earlier was smeared across the skin, and on Yuugi's fingertips. Yuugi glanced over to his desk, where the print out still laid. Yuugi could still feel the damp lukewarm trails the tears had left behind on his face. Dozens of emotions swirled inside of Yuugi's small being, and hundreds of thoughts swarmed inside of his head, but the demons had overcome all of them. The temptation got a control of Yuugi again.

It didn't hurt at all this time.

Sure, Yuugi felt the edge of the blades against his skin, but it was merely a feeling, not pain itself. Not a prick, not a sting, not a bite.

He felt nothing.

Yuugi went to bed without even bothering to clean the cuts on his forearm that night. The young boy turned off all the lights and left his homework unfinished. He climbed into his bed, and laid on the mattress with his arm outstretched and the blood flowing across his skin. At least he could feel the warmth of the dark crimson liquid running down his arm. Yuugi didn't give much of a care if the blood stained his bed sheets. If he _did_ care, it would only be because of the possibility of Solomon or Atem discovering the scarlet stain and caring…but they didn't. They didn't care anymore.

As Yuugi's troubled mind drifted off to sleep, Yuugi had a feeling that it wouldn't be long until just like his skin, his heart wouldn't be able to feel anything at all as well, even pain.

----

**Next chapter:** The Good Left Undone  
**NOTE:** Next chapter will reveal Atem's thoughts, emotions, and reason behind his past actions. The upcomming installment will be Atem's story.


	5. The Good Left Undone

_**Disclaimer:** I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! nor its characters. Story title credit goes to the actual non-fictional book about self-mutilation. Chapter title credit goes to Rise Against._

**Bright Red Scream**_  
By Blinded Ryter_

_Dedicated to my reviewers and readers  
For giving me strength to resist the urges  
I'm also very sorry for the late update...  
Circuit City is holding my laptop (it has all of my original documents) hostage D:  
_

05 - The Good Left Undone

Yuugi Motou had been suffering ever since his first cut where he had given birth to the demons that would torture him for the upcoming years. It was just as of a few weeks ago that the mask Yuugi had been wearing so carefully with disguised ease fell and shattered into pieces, thus revealing his weakness, his secret, his scars. But just like it had been said before, no one's suffering was greater than anyone else's. Situations vary, but pain is still pain. It just happens to be very sad that even though we live in a world full of so many people, we tend to deal with the pain on our own.

The very same concept applied to Atem, the former Pharaoh of Egypt, and darker half of Yuugi Motou. Ever since day one, the evening when Yuugi had admitted to be being a self-mutilator, Atem had received his first blow to the gut. To hear such a harsh truth, the truth that his Aibou harmed himself intentionally, was something Atem could not believe. Yuugi...radiant, optimistic, care-free Yuugi...a self-mutilator? Atem's mind refused to believe it. He just could not accept it. It wasn't only the mere fact that Yuugi was a self-mutilator that drove Atem to such actions, but because an entirely different and new Yuugi had been revealed to him so abruptly that Atem was unable to recover from the sudden exposure. The light happened to shine differently on Yuugi after the day of the incident in the class room between Shou and Yuugi. Was this the Yuugi Atem knew?

Yuugi was his Hikari, the light of his world, his Aibou. A smile could be brought to the boy's lips with grace as deep pools of twilight violet would soften with the warmth of affection and joy. His laughter was never forced. The sound was care-free and could lift anyone's spirits, whether it be during a hardship, or just a bad day. It was inveitable that these talents of Yuugi's would take some affect on his other half. Yuugi had taught Atem so many things he had been deprived of earlier. Atem was intelligent, noble, and courageous, but he lacked kindness, affection, and love. But once Atem met Yuugi, he began to learn. His cold heart began to melt, and the smiles that formed on Atem's lips became genuine. Yuugi had certainly turned out to be the best thing that had occurred in Atem's life, but Atem never told Yuugi that or even thanked him until it was too late. Their relationship was now in turmoil and ruins, and Atem was mostly or perhaps even completely at this fault this time.

Atem never faltered at the face of a challenge, but with Yuugi? What was he supposed to say when Yuugi confessed that he cut himself? That he intentionally harmed his _own_ body with his _own_ hands? What was Atem supposed to think, to do, to react? Atem was utterly lost for words, thoughts, and emotions the day when this all began. Though it may seem cruel to other people's eyes, Atem truly was disappointed in Yuugi. He thought that Yuugi was stronger, that he was better than that. But then, after the harsh and bitter words had been spoken and Atem had retreated to his bedroom that night, Atem realized that he had been expecting too much out of Yuugi. The truth was that not only wasYuugi a self-mutilator, but also a mere human being. No matter how much power, wealth, fame, or in Yuugi's case, flawless mask Man carried, Man would always be weak when it came to the heart. Yuugi was no exception, and Atem felt so awful and stricken with guilt that night and nights to follow that he would sometimes stagger into the bathroom, and kneel before the toilet to vomit.

This wasn't like the usual Atem, the one that was level-headed, reasonable, and always overly affectionate and caring towards his Aibou. But just as how the slip of Yuugi's mask had left the boy to behave differently, the same occurred to Atem. For the first time in his life, including his days as a Pharaoh, a spirit, and now a living being, Atem had never felt so helpless. It wasn't as if he could tell Yuugi that things were going to be okay, because Atem was not the one to spew lies in a vain attempt to give Yuugi's life a faux silver lining. He didn't want to demand Yuugi to stop hurting himself that instant or do any other rash action, but wasn't that what Atem did anyways by threatening Yuugi not to cut on that first evening by saying he would actually disown his Aibou? Atem didn't want to berate and scold Yuugi for his actions either; he didn't have the heart to do it, and didn't think it was a good idea to begin with. Atem was aware that Yuugi was falling down a dark spiral of misery and pain that would only end when Yuugi reached his final and most likely fatal breaking point. Atem felt guilty for not knowing what to do, for saying those hurtful words to Yuugi, for acting the way he was...Atem didn't think that Yuugi was repulsive or shameful, but he acted the way he had been for the past month, because the guilt churning in the pit of his guts was intolerable and forced him to turn a bitter blind eye. No, Yuugi wasn't the monster or pathetic creature here. It was Atem and those family and friends that chose to turn their backs against someone they loved.

This wasn't a game of duel monsters or some quest to defeat an ugly snake God; this was something that could occur in any average person's life, but was one of the most difficult perils in life. It was dealing with the human heart, something so fragile and delicate.

Why was all the sympathy only given to the self-mutilators? What about the people in their lives? What about those like Atem, Solomon, Jou, Honda, Tea, and so on? It was obvious that they were affected, but that didn't mean they were not hurt and suffering. To see someone you love suffer but when you feel utterly helpless is surely one of the worse feelings in the world. To make matters worse, there was no one Atem could go to for advice on such a crisis. It wasn't as easy as many people thought to try to help people like Yuugi. It was hard enough to reach out to just about anyone these days. It was something human beings lacked and were deprived of, but needed so desperately: reaching out to people with the right words, thoughts, and actions.

The thought of forgiveness was becoming surreal to all of them now, especially to Atem. Atem doubted if he could even forgive himself for what he had done to his Hikari this past month.

To be the cutter or to know a cutter…where do you go from there?

Atem was unable to recall many things. How long had it been since Atem had seen a genuine smile of warmth touch Yuugi's lips, and that spark of joyful light dance in his Aibou's eyes? When was the last time he had heard the care-free laughter that always lightened his heart? Had there ever been a meal where all three members of the household ate together and enjoyed each others' company?

Those memories of Atem's had lost their warmth and were beginning to fade. Reality was beginning to look like a dream, and the dreams were beginning to look like reality. But right now, Atem's reality wasn't a dream; it was a nightmare. A nightmare he could not awake from no matter how much he desperately wished so.

This month had been life-altering for everyone, but maybe with the exception of Yuugi, it hit Atem the hardest. He couldn't think of another time when he had spent so many nights in his rooms pacing aimlessly, or sitting on a staircase in his the complex labyrinth of his soul room crying. Atem had thought at first that it was absurd and ridiculous of him to show his vulnerability by letting a few tears fall, but as time went on, Atem said Hell to his pride, and was no longer ashamed or gave a damn to break down completely and sob uncontrollably.

Tonight, just after the recent argument between Yuugi and Atem where Yuugi demanded Atem to get out of his room (and his life), Atem sat on his bed as he scowled bitterly at the bed sheets below him. Tears continued to cascade down his damp cheeks and an occasionally shaky intake of breath could be heard every now and then. Pain would flit across Atem's face every time his sub-conscious decided to play a rerun of their argument clearly and vividly inside of his troubled mind. Yuugi's words still rang clearly in his head, and each one pulled out another heartstring and was slowly leaving Atem undone.

_You weren't there for me when I needed you the most!_

_You're worse than any blow I've ever received, any cut I've ever made with my own hands..._

_I. am. not. your goddamn Aibou!_

_Get out of my room, get out of my life!_

Atem clenched a fist as he cursed at himself. If only he hadn't been so afraid, hesitant, guilty, or whatever the Hell that was holding him back from confronting Yuugi earlier, perhaps things could have changed for the better. Had they all not hit rock bottom now? Not just Yuugi, but Atem, Solomon, and their friends? It wasn't just the main gang that were troubled, but Duke, Mai...and Jesus Christ, even fucking Seto Kaiba, were at unease after having heard about Yuugi and that was a self-mutilator somehow. Thinking that Atem would have all the answers to their questions, they went to him, asking if Yuugi was okay, alright, or however they decided to phrase it. Atem could only manage a half-hearted, "I don't know," and that was the truth.

Atem really didn't know.

If they all hit rock bottom now, things could only go "up", right? Or...things could continue to stay at the bottom, and leave everyone drowning in their own deep pool of misery, guilt, and frustration.

Atem constantly wondered if Yuugi was cutting himself more often now. Because Yuugi had blocked the mind-link the two shared for good, Atem had no idea what Yuugi was doing, feeling, or thinking anymore. It would have been impossible for Atem to attempt to find the answers to his troubled ponderings in Yuugi's mind or soul. Yuugi's eyes had also lost their shine, luster, and spark of life, thus leaving the pools of violet vacant, distant, and lifeless; it was an insurmountable task to try to figure out what was going on Yuugi's head by looking into his eyes, which was something Atem had done many times in the past. There was a nagging feeling inside of Atem's insides that told him that if Yuugi had begun to cut again, most of it was Atem's fault.

Atem drew one knee to his chest and let his arm rest upon it. He tilted his head back so it would touch the wall. The dim, murky light of the small lamp on his night stand casted its rays upon the young boy, and reflected the damp trails of tears that were running down his face. Atem closed his eyes and his shoulders rose and fell as he exhaled slowly. Atem was drained emotionally and exhausted physically. The dark circles under his eyes were getting more noticable each day, but everyone was so caught up in their own thoughts and pretending that things were alright that no one asked Atem if he was getting enough sleep, or if he was okay in general. It was rare for Atem to get more than four hours of sleep for the past few weeks, and he was hardly eating. Eating meals alone weren't plesant and appealing to the boy, therefore he lost his appetite quite often.

Atem felt his body tense with the overwhemling rush of agonizing emotions. Another lukewarm tear trickled down his face as he clenched his fist even tighter.

How…could this happen to them?

Where did everyone go wrong?

What was God trying to teach all of them?

_I really, really liked you…_

_I loved you…_

Atem's crimson eyes fluttered open and he sat up straight as an epiphany suddenly dawned upon him. He stared across the room in bewilderment.

Love...?

Yuugi…_loved_ him?

Atem brought a shaking hand to his face and covered his gaping mouth in shock and disbelief. If it had been any other time, a time when Yuugi would smile for him, laugh with him, or crawl into his bed late at night when it thundered or even on random occasions, Atem would have been flustered and unable to stop smiling to himself as if he was the happiest human being on earth. Atem could not deny his feelings for Yuugi to himself, the boy that was his Hikari and his Aibou. How could one not fall for Yuugi, especially after being connected with him, and getting glimpses of how honestly beautiful and pure the boy's soul was? Of course though, Atem never spoke a word about it, but now, he regretted not having done so. If it had been earlier, it Atem had confessed his feelings for Yuugi a month ago...maybe things wouldn't be the way they were at the moment.

But right now, in this dark and terrible time, Atem's eyes were wide in horror. The worst wound one could ever receive was from the person who had your heart. The person you loved and wished to be loved back from was your downfall. Evidence of these facts could be seen all around you. Turn on your radio, and you're bound to come across at least a couple of depressing love songs about heart breaks. You go to school, work, or just out to any public place, and if you look close enough, you can see the people desperately trying to hide the wounds inflicted by their "lover". The human being truly was a fragile thing, and Atem had been the one to break Yuugi and hurt him beyond imagination.

_You're worse than any blow I've ever received, any cut I've ever made with my own hands..._

Atem bit his lower lip. Dear God, Atem had hurt Yuugi in so many ways and so many times. The boy's pain must have been exacerbated even more, because Yuugi _loved_ Atem. What if Yuugi was standing on the edge now and possibly even on the brink of suicide because of Atem, his words, and his actions? What if he was harming himself this instant? What if...what if...

Only one thought had set a place in Atem's mind as he lowered his hand from his face, and climbed off of his bed. He had to do something, change something, and hopefully, make things go "up". Atem had to reach out to Yuugi and pull him away from the edge before the boy fell. It wasn't too late. Not yet, not yet. Not until Yuugi was no longer breathing and underground. Not until he was dead. There was still time, still hope...or so, Atem desperately believed. After all, he had nothing else to believe in anymore.

After wiping his tears away quickly and turning the small lamp off, Atem left his bedroom, and walked down the hall until he reached Yuugi's bedroom door. Atem did not hesitate to knock this time, but there was no answer. Atem tried again, and when only silence replied, he began to feel alarm and panic surface. He could sense right away that something was wrong. The boy opened the door, which more or less to his relief, was unlocked. Blending in with the shadows, Atem stepped inside and closed the door quietly behind him. The room was dark, still, and silent. He could see Yuugi asleep in his bed by the window. Atem padded softly across the room and towards the boy, but Atem's steps grew slower when his eyes caught the sight of something shocking. His mind had been wiped utterly clean for a moment before Atem regained his senses and realized that the dark wasn't merely playing tricks on his eyes. The color drained from his face and his blood ran cold as Atem took a step closer.

The moonlight pouring from the nearby window landed its pale, milky light upon Yuugi's upper half of the body. The young boy was sound asleep and unaware of Atem's presence, but Yuugi didn't look peaceful or at ease; he looked lifeless. He looked dead. Atem's wavering eyes were locked upon the boy's outstretched forearm. A brilliant shade of vermillion streaked across his pale flesh in several directions and glistened under the moon light. A small dark pool of crimson had gathered below the blood bathed arm, and had stained the bed sheets. In his opened palm was a small shard caked in blood. Atem stared at it for a moment, then glanced over at Yuugi's night stand where he saw a CD case that had been broken on purpose. Plastic shards were scattered across the surface, and a few had fallen onto the carpet; they looked quite sharp. Atem parted his lips slightly. He had not even considered such a possiblity.

Atem stood there in silence before reality hit him, and reality hit him pretty damn hard. Atem rushed over to Yuugi's side and grasped Yuugi's forearm lightly as he observed the wounds. There were at least three, maybe even four cuts. To add onto Atem's horror, the cuts were vertical.

_Remember, kids, make it count...  
Go down the road, not across the street..._

Had Yuugi been intending to commit suicide, or was he so out of his mind, that he didn't even notice in which direction he had been cutting?

Tears began to well in Atem's eyes as he reached a hand out to Yuugi's neck, and pressed two fingers against the boy's throat in an attempt to find the boy's pulse. Yuugi's chest was so still, Atem feared that the boy was no longer breathing. With his free hand, the Yami grasped Yuugi's hand, and gripped it tightly. Atem began praying frantically to God, Ra, Buddha, whatever greater power that would hear Atem out and let Yuugi stay with Atem here on this earth and in this life time.

"Oh, please, no…" Atem begged in a cracking voice as he closed his eyes tightly, still searching for that pulse. "Don't take him away. Please. Not Aibou, no, not him. I love him, I need him. Plea-"

Atem's voice was cut off when his fingertips finally discovered the pulse. It was weak, faint, and barely there, but it was a pulse nonetheless. Yuugi was alive. Atem opened his eyes and stared at Yuugi in relief, awe, and anguish. Atem set his head down for a moment to shed a few more tears and let out staggering sob a two. He had been so close to losing Yuugi, and until now, Atem had never been so shaken and frightened in his life. Drawing in a ragged intake of breath, Atem raised his head, and dried his face.

When Atem withdrew his hand from Yuugi's neck, a new composure had been set upon Atem's face. A flame of determination had sparked in pools of deep crimson, and his brows were knitted as well. Atem was once again calm and collected, but he was also intent on somehow bringing Yuugi back to him.

Atem placed one hand on Yuugi's soft cheek, and leaned down slightly so that their forehead were touching. Atem closed his eyes and sighed inwardly.

"I'm sorry for not having done this earlier, Aibou," Atem whispered in a barely audible voice. "My foolishness...my fear...and my false belief that I was crippled and helpless kept me from you, but no more of that." Atem ran the back of his fingers down Yuugi's face in a gentle caress. "I love you beyond expression to let you go down any further, Aibou. I'm going to bring you back."

Atem closed last of the space between him and Yuugi by pressing his lips against the other boy's lightly. It was a soft and simple kiss, but spoke more than any words ever could. Still deep in the depths of slumber, Yuugi could not return the kiss, but just the feel of his Hikari's soft lips was enough for Atem. Slowly, Atem broke the kiss and pulled away.

Atem stood up and opened his eyes slowly, then blinked. He blinked once more in surprise and vague astonishment. No longer was he standing in Yuugi's bedroom inside of the Kame Game Shop, but inside of Yuugi's soul room. Atem lowered his gaze and saw that Yuugi was still sleeping in the bed that was set in the room. Atem reached down to brush a few stray strands of the boy's blonde hair away from his closed eyes.

"You brought me here for a reason," Atem stated quietly. "You want to show me something," he added as he withdrew his hand and stood up. Atem began glancing around the room. "What is it? What do you want me to see, Aibou?"

Atem began wandering around Yuugi's soul room. There were very subtle changes. The painted walls were a shade darker, a sign that Yuugi was maturing. There were no longer any toys scattered across the faded carpet, but pages of homework and essays were strewn across the floor. The Dark Magician bed sheets had been replaced with simple dark navy ones that complimented the color theme of the soul room in general, cool shades of blue. The changes meant that Yuugi was moving on from childhood to adolescence, but there were no signs of anything out of the ordinary to Atem's eyes. Exhaling a quiet and frustrated sigh, he ran a hand through his hair. As his eyes slowly scanned the room again, his gaze came to a halt when he caught something peculiar in one corner of the room. Slowly, Atem began walking towards the corner.

In that particular corner, it seemed as if the paint on the walls were chipping off. Narrowing his dark crimson eyes, Atem caught a blemish of pitch black where the paint had fallen off. He reached a hand out and gingerly touched that dark area of the wall. More chips of paint fell to the ground and caused the dark blemish, the black hole, to grow. Realizing that he had found what he was looking for, Atem grasped the edge of the hole, and ripped a large strip of the paint away. Just as he had expected, once the paint was torn away from the wall, it revealed a black abyss. Suddenly, the walls began to tremble slightly before earthquake like tremors ran across the surface, and chips of paint began to crumble into heaps on the floor. The wall eventually crumbled into rubble, and the remaining walls had already begun to follow suit. Atem stood his ground as he watched the blue paint and the weak walls collapse. It was as if a curtain had fallen, or better yet, a mask had slipped and shattered into hundreds of pieces.

With no walls, Yuugi's soul room stood in the middle of an infinite black space. There was no volume, no depth, but it felt as if Yuugi's soul room was slowly sinking down a pitch black sea with no hope of finding its way back to the surface. The darkness wavered like a black mist in a subtle manner, and the eerie tempting voices of the demons could be heard. Atem was unable to comprehend their distorted words, but that was because these were Yuugi's demons, not his. The raw emotions radiated from the bleak blackness like the stinging heat from a radiator.

Atem lowered his eyes to the faded carpet to glance at the chips of paint lying around his feet, then back to the black abyss as he finally came across another realization that night.

It had been a mask.

The blue paint in Yuugi's soul room, his smiles in real life…

They were all merely a mask to conceal his pain, his anguish, his demons.

Atem now stood face to face with what Yuugi's soul really looked like. It was bleak, it was black, it was dying. Atem clenched his fists as he began to feel frustrated towards himself. Had he been that blind, ignorant, and just plain stupid to not have noticed this before, or was Yuugi that brilliant and talented in putting up these walls and hiding the truth from others? Atem's soul room was a complex labyrinth with something unique behind each door, but Yuugi's soul room was nothing but empty, hollow darkness. Even if you destroyed the labyrinth in Atem's soul room, it wasn't utter and complete darkness, or at least he thought so.. Wasn't Yuugi supposed to be the light? The Hikari?

Atem's train of thought broke when a black arm shot out from the hole and towards the bed where Yuugi laid. The ink black arm grasped Yuugi's arm as dozens of more hands shot out from the darkness and grabbed onto the limbs of their pathetic host. Yuugi was pulled from the bed and into the dark hole in the mere matter of a second. Yelling out a protest, Atem reached into the dark hole after Yuugi, then let out a cry of pain the next moment. With his arms outstretched into the hole and swallowed by darkness, he could feel sharp objects cut across his skin. Sensations of stinging pain ran up and down his arm, and soon enough, the lukewarmth of blood could be felt trickling down his flesh as well. A flow of raw emotions Atem had never felt from Yuugi before crashed into him. He _knew _what Yuugi felt, but he did not _understand_ it, nor did he care to understand it at this moment. All that was on Atem's mind was pulling Yuugi out of the darkness and away from the demons that were attempting to devour what was left of the boy.

Atem groped blinding at the hole, wincing at the pain of cuts marking his arms. "I won't let you have him," he declared breathlessly.

_'Why do you want him?'_ said a voice that Atem realized to be one of the several demons infesting Yuugi's soul. Reacing into the black abyss, Atem could comprehend their rough words now. Their deafening voices, more like noises from a soundtrack of every horror movie out there, filled the room and made Atem's ears ring. _'The child is pathetic, worthless, and weak-'_

"He is _not _weak!" Atem yelled as his brows knitted into a fierce glare. "I have seen what courage his has, and what strength it brings!"

A sudden terribly out of tuned orchestra erupted into laughter. There were high-pitched giggles, low mocking laughter, screeching cackles, and more noises that varied in range, pitch, and volume. The soul room seemed to shake at the laughter of the demons. The darkness that surrounded the room could be seen swimming around excitedly, as if they were being fed off of Atem's foolishness for their sheer, cruel amusement.

_'Tch, you dim-witted Pharaoh...Do you really believe that our host would return to you? You abandoned him before…you gave him up to us…he won't go back to you…You hurt him, you betrayed him…He will never forgive you…'_

Atem closed his eyes tightly and exhaled slowly.

"Don't ever underestimate the power of forgiveness."

The Yami as he recalled the incidents in the past where he had done wrong, but Yuugi forgave him in the end. Even when Atem nearly killed Kaiba at Duelist Kingdom, even when he betrayed Yuugi and used the Seal of Orichalos…Yuugi forgave him. Atem wouldn't lie and say that he was _sure_ that Yuugi would defintely forgive him, but...there was hope. A small twinge of hope.

Atem's eyes opened and he reached into the black abyss deeper this time, then inhaled sharply. He could feel some sort of blade slide across one arm and bits of flesh be taken away by its teethed-edge. The pain was excruciating, but the wave of despair, misery, and loneliness that followed was even more unbearable. No matter how much Atem reached in, he just couldn't seem to find his Hikari in all that darkness. And then, Atem's eyes widened when he realized how Yuugi was to escape the grasps of his demons.

Atem couldn't do it for Yuugi. No one could. It was only Yuugi himself, his will, his heart, that could fight back.

"Aibou...!" Atem called out, his voice sounding strained. "Don't give up. Don't let them take you alive. You're strong enough to beat them! Aibou!"

Atem felt a small and familiar hand grasp onto his. Startled, but relieved, Atem gasped before intwining their fingers together tightly. The demons screamed and screeched in outrage and protest. Atem winced at the racous noises that were a rough blend of primitive animal sirens and anguished cries of man. They held onto Yuugi, refusing to let him go, and barked fragmented and distorted words.

_'...e...He's ours!...ur...He'soursheour's-'_

_Don't give up.  
Don't let them take you alive.  
You're strong enough to beat them!..._

_Strong...  
Strong... _

You're strong. 

Atem's words rang clearly through Yuugi's head and it was as if Yuugi had caught onto some great epiphany, as if he had seen the light. Yuugi's grip tightened on Atem's hand and in that moment, Atem seized the chance and used all of his strength to pull the boy out. As if an elastic band had been stretched too far and reached its breaking point, once Atem had pulled Yuugi away from the grasps of the demons, they were thrown across the room by the opposing force before landing harshly on the ground. Atem landed with a muffled grunt as Yuugi fell on top of him. All around them, they could hear demons stir a cacophony of angry, animal-like sounds. They sounded infuriated, incredulous, and dangerous. Atem was about to embrace Yuugi in an attempt to protect him from whatever harm the demons may lash at them, but instead, Yuugi abrupty sat upright. There was sheer hatred flickering the boy's narrowed eyes and rage expressed on his face.

_**"SHUT UP!"**_

Yuugi had screamed at the top of his lungs, with his entire body, and with all his heart. It was as if a force had been given to Yuugi's voice. The papers and books strewn across the ground shot off in direction directions, and the bed was thrown across the room, then landed on the ground roughly. With sickening cracks, the bed frame gave away and collasped into a heat. The wooden desk to the side shattered into thousands of fragments and splinters, and the picture frames set on the desk cracked before splitting into pieces. All of the fragments, splinters, and clutters of dismantled and broken parts were swept up by some unseen powerful gust of wind and thrown into the dark abyss. The demons were roused and began to stir up another wave of distorted noises, but Yuugi cut them off.

"Shut up! Shut the fuck up!" he shouted, strands of his hair falling wildly into his eyes. "I used to believe that you were a part of me, I used to think that I needed you, but not anymore. I can do without all of you. You're not staying in here, in _me, _anymore!" Yuugi pushed onto his feet and clenched his fists tightly. "The scars will stay, but_ you_ don't. I'm not just going to calmly resist like I did a year ago; I'm going to fucking fight back until you're all gone! _I won't let this build up inside of me anymore!_"

Yuugi's words echoed in the empty and barren room. Though the words faded away quickly, the emotions were still present and radiated off of Yuugi. Startled by this sudden change of behavior in their host, the demons fell silent. This was something new, this was a change, for Yuugi to fight back and actually be angry, no, more like infuriated, with these parisites that infested his soul. Even Atem stared at Yuugi in bewilderment and disbelief.

Yuugi glared at the darkness that surrounded them and breathed heavily. After a moment, Yuugi rexlaxed and sighed wearily. He diverted his attention from the demons and to Atem. Yuugi violet eyes clouded in confusion and hesitation as he pressed his lips into a thin and firm line. Atem could see that Yuugi was hesitant to trust his other half again. There was also fear of letting Atem back into his heart...or, rather, fear of getting hurt.

"Atem…" Yuugi said quietly. "You're crying."

Atem stood up and blinked before realizing that indeed, a tear or two had made their way down his face. He exhaled slowly and closed his eyes for a moment to regain his composure, but failed to do so. His emotions were still left feeling so raw after having felt the dying darkness of Yuugi's soul intoxicate and violate him. Atem raised a hand to Yuugi's face and placed it on his cheek. Yuugi inhaled sharply when he saw all the cuts running up and down Atem's arm, as well as the blood trickling down it. Yuugi choked and covered his mouth when he saw the familiar jagged wound that the teethed-knife left down the flesh of Atem's right arm.

"Atem…"

Atem smiled. "I'll be fine," he reassured his other half, then let his smile fade away as his tone changed into one of remorse and sorrow. "Aibou…I'm sorry. For everything. Every word I said, every action I did…I'm also sorry for what I didn't do, what I should have done…You don't have to forgive me now, you don't ever have to. All I'm asking of you is to let me help you…help you fight your demons. That's all."

Yuugi stared at Atem with agony clouded heavily over his eyes and tears brimming them. Being in the same soul room, Atem could feel Yuugi's emotions easily in here. It was a mixture of many and nearly unfathomable. There was agony, relief, grief, incredulity, fear, bitterness, joy, sorrow…so many, that Atem thought Yuugi would explode from the overload of emotions. It was actually making Atem's head hurt, but the discomfort faded away when Yuugi placed his hand over the one Atem had on Yuugi's cheek.

"Don't tell me that I'm sick, don't tell me stop," Yuugi began to say in a cracking voice that sounded weary, but honest and truthful. His eyes wavered with despair, and pain was stricken across his face. "I already know that," he confessed. "Don't...tell me to feel guilty, I already do."

Yuugi turned his eyes away from Atem as he felt the shame and guilt envelope his being. This confession suddenly made Yuugi feel..._bad._ Bad about all the cuts and scars that covered his body. He never felt anything before, but now he did, for some odd reason. Had Yuugi killed off his emotions long ago, and now, they had been revived and were hitting him full force? Yuugi let his eyes flicker around his soul room for a moment before he grimaced. He never knew himself that this was what his soul really looked like. There was nothing to be fixed, because his soul wasn't broken. It was...dying. How do you bring something like a soul back to life?

Yuugi paused with hesitation. Did he want to let Atem in again? Did he want to open his heart to the person who hurted him the most in a lifetime? Did Yuugi want help period? Did he want to try to stop all of this chaos and madness dwelling inside of his heart, and bring some light back into his life again?

Yuugi turned his eyes back to his other half and when he saw the troubled expression and anguished eyes, the answer came to Yuugi. Atem wanted to help, and Yuugi knew deep down that he couldn't do this on his own. He needed someone to listen to him, someone to hold him back from touching the blade, he just needed someone by his side. Atem could become his strength, his hope, his life line.

Yuugi lowered Atem's hand from his face, then laced their fingers together. Yuugi felt a warmth in his hand, in his heart. The feeling felt alien to him at first, because the only thing Yuugi felt for the past few weeks was...nothing. He had not been numb, but simply unable to feel anything. The warmth felt nice though, and Yuugi felt the corner of his lip twitch as a smile was almost brought to his face. Yuugi locked his eyes with Atem and spoke softly, but clearly.

"Listen to me. Help me. Support me."

_(A/N: The words Yuugi just spoke above and the paragraph before the line above was from the actual Bright Red Scream non-fictional book about self-mutilation…they hit me...pretty hard. So, I decided to share it with the rest of you readers.)_

They were only a few words, but so much emotion had been carried in each syllable. It was not only a statement, it was a plea. Yuugi's composure began to break as heat pricked the skin around his eyes.

"I can't do this on my own, Atem," Yuugi cried out. "Just...stay by my side, please."

A silence fell upon the two. The silence lasted for a prolonged moment that Yuugi feared that Atem would reject him. Forever. That Atem changed his mind and saw Yuugi as pathetic, hopefuless, and a lost cause. At the last second, Atem gave his reply.

"I will, Aibou," said the Yami with a small smile. "I promise."

Without any warning, Yuugi suddenly broke down and began to cry hard. He didn't know why at first, and honestly said, Yuugi cried so many times in the past without having a reason. His small body couldn't handle the overflow of emotions or let his mind comprehend his own behavior and actions. Atem drew Yuugi into his arms and into a warm embrace. Yuugi grasped onto Atem's shirt and buried his face in the Yami's chest. Atem swallowed hard, and thought that he had never heard such sobs with so much pain in them before.

They both knew that Yuugi had a long way to go. It would still be a struggle to put the pieces back together and make things right again…things may never be the way it was before too. But Yuugi was willing now to fight his demons, change his life, and find his place in the world again.

Atem could feel it, that subtle warmth in Yuugi's chest. It was a small flame flickering and was so weak that it could be snuffed out any moment, but Atem knew that if the fire was fed, it could grow larger, stronger, and brighter.

It was a little something called hope.

Atem waited patiently for Yuugi to calm down. When the boy's tears and sobs were subdued, he lifted his head from Atem's chest, and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. He looked up at Atem, and for the first time in a long while, Yuugi Motou smiled. The smile brought tears to Atem's eyes. He had missed that sight for such a long time. Atem smiled back not only because of the smile, but because he saw that the luster had returned to Yuugi's iridescent eyes. Yuugi looked alive now, and even happy.

There was nothing spoken between the two as Atem pulled Yuugi closer to him and captured his Aibou's lips with his. No explanation was needed behind the gesture. There was so much love, affection, and a jumble of other warm emotions behind the kiss that it was overwhelming, but helped Yuugi to figure out that Atem felt the same way for him; Atem loved him. Yuugi smiled into the kiss when he realized this.

As Yuugi put his hand behind Atem's neck and Atem ran his hand through Yuugi's hair, in the far corner of Yuugi's soul room, the darkness lingering in that spot died away and was swallowed by a pure light. Then, a beautiful navy color bloomed and covered the light. It was only a small portion and nearly unnoticeable, but the wall was being rebuilt nonetheless. The chips of the old paint still laid idly on the ground, and would disappear over time. There was no need to put on the old mask, or to create a new one either. With Atem's help, the wounds and scars Yuugi bore could be healed, and eventually, Yuugi could learn to show his true self. He would learn what real happiness was after years of building walls around him and composing a collection of flawless masks. The happiness would be reflected in genunie smiles and care-free laughter. His scars would never completely erase though, just as how the dark and terrible memories in his mind would never fade. But Yuugi was okay with that. After all, no one was the same person they were yesterday, so why should Yuugi linger in the past, when he could look forward to a new day, to a new future?

Yuugi didn't see one of the walls rebuilding itself in the corner, but he could tell that his heart was beginning to mend. It would take time, but Yuugi was staring to heal nonetheless. Atem could feel this as well and was relieved. He knew for sure that no matter how long it took or how difficult it would be, the things at rock bottom would go "up".

The two broke the kiss softly, then opened their eyes. It was a second before they realized they were back in Yuugi's bedroom. Yuugi still laid on his bed, and Atem hovered over him. They both wondered for a moment if what they had just experienced in Yuugi's soul room was a dream, but brushed it off; they couldn't care less if it had been real or not. The thoughts, the emotions, the reconciliation, and the promise to stay together from now on were real to them, and that was what mattered.

"We should clean that up," Atem suggested gently, gesturing to the cuts on Yuugi's forearm.

Yuugi blinked in confusion before turning his head and seeing the crimson marks on his pale skin. "Oh," was all that was heard from Yuugi. He tilted his head slightly as his confusion grew. When had he cut himself there? He couldn't remember. Was he coming to the point where he would cut, and no longer remember? Such a thing had happened once or twice in the past, when Yuugi would wake up and see specks of blood on his bed sheets and dried blood on his arm. Yuugi frowned. He wasn't particularly upset about the cuts, but having Atem witness the aftermath.

"I'm not mad or upset," Atem reassured Yuugi quietly after picking up his thoughts.

Yuugi gave a small nod. He felt shaken, but regained his composure as best as he could quickly. Atem helped Yuugi out of the bed, and into the bathroom. Yuugi turned the water on and held his forearm under the water that was warming up to be lukewarm. The water that splashed against the smooth sides of the sink had taken on a faint hue of pink. In an almost automatic and sub-conscious manner, Yuugi cleaned the cuts. Atem watched slightly in fascination and couldn't resist to ask a question.

"Doesn't it hurt?" Atem asked in both curiosity and concern.

Yuugi shook his head. "Not anymore," the boy answered bluntly as he turned off the water.

Atem nodded silently as he handed Yuugi the towel. Yuugi dried his arm, then paused before casting a glance at Atem.

"I didn't mean it," Yuugi said in a barely audible voice.

Atem blinked. "Mean what?"

"Wanting you out of my life," Yuugi explained, his voice beginning to tremble. "And...I'll always be your Aibou, no matter what I say in the future. It's a given."

Atem smiled. "I'm glad to hear that," he said in the utmost honesty.

"Will you stay with me tonight, Atem?" Yuugi asked with a note of hope in his hesitant voice.

"Of course," Atem answered, then paused before saying, "Aibou?"

"Yeah?"

Atem kissed Yuugi softly on the lips.

"I love you."

Faint tints of scarlet and heat surfaced onto Yuugi's cheeks, but he didn't look away. Instead, he returned Atem's smile with a subtle one of his own, and in his soul room, the wall had rebuilt itself a little more.

"I love you, too."

-------

**Blinded Ryter** - Yeah, I know, the soul room incident can't really happen in real life, but I wanted to use the incident as a metaphor. A symbol. I hope it got across to people. If not...ah, oh well. C'mon, it's _Yu-Gi-Oh!_ There has to be at least _one_ little supernatural occurance xD

Ah, I admit it: it's been more of a struggle for me lately to stay c-sober. A very difficult struggle. The urges are strong, but I fight them off and haven't touched the blade since. I'm not going to throw 4-5 months away; I'm going to resist this demon of mine. But most of all, I know that I have the strength inside of me to fight back. I don't know how long I can hold out, but I will until my breaking point, which, thank God, I'm not really close to yet. So, thank-you readers, and especially the ones that are kind enough to leave reviews. You guys give me strength and hope. Thank-you so goddamn much.

**Next chapter: **Dismantle.Repair.


	6. DismantleRepair

Blinded Ryter - Many people are most likely wondering where the Hell I have been, what I have been doing, and most importantly, why it took me so damned long to write this chapter. I cannot provide an answer, because I honestly don't know what to say. I am not going to explain my current condition, and I apologize for the note before this chapter. I took it off, the one about the divorce, and my falling apart, but I have destroyed the "me" back then entirely, and have created myself into someone new, and this time, without the help of any sharp objects (both in the destruction and recreation parts). If, for some odd and peculiar reason, you are interested and/or curious about my disappearance, message me, and I'll see what questions I can answer.

On a lighter note, I have been c-sober for 13 months, ridiculously excited for the Clone Wars and X-Files movie, and got red glasses 8D I am eager to hear how everyone else has been doing as well. I will say that I enjoy listening to you guys, and better yet, simply talking about everything and nothing (:

This chapter may not be my best, but I will work harder for the future. Thank-you for reading, and especially for my wonderful reviewers whose comments make my day brighter.

* * *

Chapter 06 - 'Dismantle.Repair.'

Fragmented rays of sunlight trickled through the slight open space between the gauzy curtains that trembled beneath the breeze of the air vent above. With passing time, the pale dawn light grew into warm shafts that landed upon Yuugi's face, and irritated the boy to the point where he began to stir. Yuugi made an incoherent sound in the back of his throat as he turned away from the light, and attempted to grasp at the last wisps of slumber. Yuugi was beginning to succeed by surrendering to the entrails of sleep, but the presence of something odd evoked wake.

It was...warmth.

There was an alien and foreign, yet pleasant sensation of something warm enveloping Yuugi's body. Soft yet firm, it was most defintely not the bedsheets. Vaguely curious and confused, Yuugi slowly lifted his heavy lids, and stared with bleary eyes at the wall. Groaning and muttering some more, Yuugi turned slowly onto his other side to see Atem sleeping besides him, and his frame being embraced by the Yami's arms. It took Yuugi a moment to comprehend, calculate, and compute all of this within his mind as the last specks of daze left him. When Yuugi was fully conscious, he was also fully alarmed and surprised. He squeaked as his eyes went wide and his face burned hot, but calmed himself down when he reminded himself not to disturb Atem from his slumber. And yet, Yuugi's mind was racing frantically hysteria and panic.

Why was Atem here? What happened? Didn't Atem hate him? Was this a dream? Or were they both dead somehowtheybothendedupintheafterlifetogether andandandand-

The thoughts came to an abrupt halt when Yuugi's glimpsed at his forearm, and saw the recent cuts. Though the red marks were like morbid trophies, they provided the boy with a trigger to recall the events of the previous night.

The victory. The reconconilation. The forgiveness. The promise.

Yuugi choked at first, then inhaled deep and let out a sigh of disbelief and relief.

Did all of that...really happen?

And even if it did, what was to come of the future?

Violet eyes softening with a mixture of emotions, Yuugi drew closer to Atem as he took part in his favorite, but most dangerous past time: thinking. Musing. Pondering.

There was doubt and uncertainty like cold icy fingers that hovered above the small flame of hope flickering within his heart, threatening to beckon a harsh gust of wind that would put out the fire. Yuugi _wanted_ to stop drawing his own blood, but could he actually _do _it? Was he capable of such a thing? What if Yuugi took on a different addiction instead? Wouldn't that be even worse, and proof that he was damned to no end?

Even if Yuugi were to become immune to all addictions, that didn't necessarily mean life would revert back to the way it was. Grandfather, his friends, his peers...they would still view him as a self-mutilator even if he dropped the act forever. No matter how many good deeds someone did, the bad ones always outweighed the good. The name Yuugi Motou would forever be blemished by the exposure of this scarlet practice.

Yuugi absently ran his fingers down his pale forearm where several cuts stood out with great contrast against his flesh. The lurid vermilion against the pasty white, it was as if a deranged artist came to an obsession with crude, yet precise strokes that left the canvas distorted and disturbing. As his fingertips ran over the cuts, there was no pain anymore, unless he purposely dug his nail into one of them (which he did do out of sub-conscious habit). Yuugi marveled morbidly at how the vertical cuts did not result in his death. Maybe next time, he really would die if he pressed the blade just a bit deeper-

No.

No, no, _no._

There was going to be no next time. Ever.

Or so, he hoped.

Yuugi pressed his lips tightly and pulled the sleeve of his shirt over his forearm in shame as he closed his eyes tightly.

What if what he was really feeling was naivety and foolishness? What if this was nothing more than false hope?

_What if he just couldn't do this?_

The Hikari drew in a shaky breath that caused his fragile and delicate frame to tremble. This was why thinking was a dangerous past time; it was his demons' best weapons, and they were merciless in poisoning his thoughts, manipulating his feelings, and pushing him farther and farther to the edge. In spite of the fact that Yuugi finally took a stand against the demons for the first time in his life last night, he knew that they were still residing within the chambers of his heart. Lurking in the shadows, waiting for the right chance to go in for another kill, another cut...

The boy inhaled sharply as his blood ran cold, and his mind began to spin out of control.

_Just one. Just one. One cut, and that would be enough._

The sense of desperation and need was beyond comprehensible and damn straight pathetic as Yuugi curled into a ball. In a futile attempt, Yuugi struggled to restrain himself. There was another mortal combat taking place within his heart, the demons versus him, and Yuugi was losing.

It was a battle to be lost. He couldn't do this. He knew the facts: he was a cutter, woud live as a cutter, and would die as a cutter. _He just would never stop-_

Yuugi's thoughts faltered and ceased when he felt the arms around his body tighten. He had forgotten entirely about the person he was being held by as he pondered darkly. The boy was so erratic with his thoughts earlier that it was by no doubt he left the mind-link open for Atem to access at will. Yuugi's body went rigid, his breath hitched, and his eyes fluttered open only to grow wide with anxiety and waver in fear. Yuugi didn't dare look at his Yami now. He knew what would be on the ex-Pharaoh's face: disappointment, anger, disgust, shame, or a mixture of all and some more. The very same expression everyone's been giving Yuugi for the past few weeks.

Yuugi emitted a pitiful strangled noise as he began pulling away from Atem, whose touch now burned.

But instead of letting go, Atem only drew Yuugi in closer, and stroked his head. Yuugi blinked in startlement, then hesitated for a moment before tilting his head up to glance at Atem's face.

There was none of the emotions Yuugi expected, but everything he never imagined: affection, love, concern, and anguish.

"Don't give up, Aibou," Atem murmured, crimson eyes reflecting emotions like that of Yuugi's. "You just found the first piece of yourself yesterday, and we just need to find the rest."

"We...?" Yuugi echoed in a barely audible voice.

"I will always be with you," Atem explained softly with a smile that graced his lips beautifully. "I will help you find the pieces and put them back together."

"Like...a puzzle?" Yuugi inquiered like a child.

Atem couldn't help but smile fondly at the genuine innocence and purity portrayed upon his Hikari.

"Yes, like a puzzle," Atem replied as he took Yuugi's face in his hands. "And Aibou, you're so good at puzzles. I know you will do well."

When Atem's last word was spoken, he captured Yuugi's lips in a chaste kiss. When the kiss was broken, Yuugi was left breathless and speechless, in spite of the fact that the kiss was virgin and innocent as a kiss could get. He took a moment to regain himself, but the faint scarlet blush remained on his face, in which Atem thought was adorable. The after thought quickly vanished when Atem saw Yuugi's eyes begin to water before he quickly diverted his gaze elsewhere, and inched away slightly.

"But..." Yuugi choked out as he sub-consciously rubbed his arm, "I'm not broken; there are no pieces. I...they..." Yuugi paused as he let out a frustrated exhale of breath. "There's...nothing left of me, but ashes."

"And yet, there are still embers, and from those embers, a fire still burns," Atem pointed out softly.

Yuugi closed his eyes tightly as he struggled to hold the tears in. Unfortunately, his tears were connected to the ducts of his aching heart. He cried quietly, and throughout it all, he felt like he was being cleansed.

After a series of soft murmurings, a few more chaste kissing, and barely audible sweet whisperings, the two boys gave back into sleep graciously. Yuugi slept with more peace this time, and when he woke up for the second time that day, he felt like he could breathe again. It was sad how people took breathing for granted, was what he thought when he inhaled deeply, letting the air fill his lungs, expand his chest, then leave his body. Had he ever felt this light before?

Yuugi sat upright, and turned his head to where the window was now allowing a strong and golden ray of sunlight to shine through. Yuugi raised one outstretched hand at the light, and closed his fist.

Yuugi withdrew his gently clenched fist, and imagined a cloud of faint yellow-tinted light within the encasement of his fingers that left them feeling warm. The light was there, right before his eyes, and now in his own hand. He then glanced at Atem, who was still sleeping so peacefully. Yuugi used his free hand to set it over Atem's, then brought his closed fist to his chest. With the light within his reach, and an angel by his side, the flame flickering inside of his heart grew only fiercer.

-x-

Yuugi and Atem both agreed with logic that attending school today would be quite unreasonable, since it was already eleven. There would only be an hour or so of school left this Saturday morning._ (A/N: Schools in E Asia also go to school on Saturdays, and usually get out early)._They decided upon staying home, since Yuugi was still hesitant and felt uneasy about the idea of going out into the public, into the world. He wasn't too favorable of being out in the open and vulnerable to wry glances or verbal attacks. Even if neither of those things were to happen, Yuugi wanted to spend some time readjusting to _the _world, and leaving behind _his _world.

Things were still a tad bit awkward between the two for the first few minutes, but they grew comfortable around each other again after Atem caused the waffle iron to short circuit, and the plug in the wall to send sparks flying like fireworks. Yuugi couldn't stop laughing, especially at Atem who was struggling to keep his dignity, and refrain the kitchen from setting on fire at the same time. Yuugi felt so good to feel his insides hurt, and recognize the light-hearted sound as his own. The boy felt only better when Atem smiled at him in defeat and fondness.

Yuugi learned how to smile again. Laugh again. Love again. He learned how to be human again, and though some fragments were still missing, he could easily reassure himself now that with time, he would soon be "okay".

Sometime in the afternoon, the two boys were sitting in the living room taking part in something they had not done for too long: Duel Monsters. Black Luster Solider, the Dark Magician, even Kuriboh...faces that left both Atem and Yuugi with a sense of nostalgia. As they played their cards, they recalled the days of adventurous perils and epic quests. Though they laughed good-naturedly and grinned at some of the highlights of the past, Yuugi felt a twinge of sadness that receded through his chest. Those days reminded him of his friends that supported him back then, but not now...

As if on cue, the phone rang. Offering to answer the call, Atem set his hand of cards face down on the table, and walked over to the phone. He picked up the wireless phone and answered it. Yuugi leaned back in his chair, half of his mind strategizing upon his next move, the other half listening to the conversation.

"...he's fine," said Atem with a voice hinted with subdued anger and exasperation. "Do you want to talk with him?...Alright then...Bye."

Yuugi stared at Atem with a raised eyebrow as the Yami made his way back to his seat.

"Who was it?" Yuugi asked.

"Jou," Atem answered in a neutral tone.

Yuugi's eyebrows raised in genuine surprise, then knitted together into a bitter scowl. He suddenly found more interest in the carpet, as if he could burn a hole through the fibers.

"And for what reason?" Yuugi asked, his voice a bit more tense than before.

"Apparently, everyone was worried about you," said Atem.

"Everyone as in...?"

"Jou. Honda. Tea. Ryou."

Yuugi set his own hand of cards down, and bit the inside of his cheek. The light mood was suddenly gone when reality knocked on their door again, reminding the two what the world beyond their own walls were like right now. Broken friendships, devastating betrayal, things they couldn't turn a blind eye to for too long.

"They were...worried...about...me," Yuugi sounded out slowly as if his brain could not compute the words, but his heart could fully feel the flames of subdued anger and outrage.

Atem gave a nod.

"They thought that you-"

"Killed myself?" Yuugi suggested flatly. "What, were they disappointed?"

Atem stared at Yuugi sharply with his arms folded across his chest.

"No, I believe that they were all quite very upset. Very, very upset," the Yami answered as he recalled finding Yuugi almost dead last night. "Jou sounded as if he had been crying."

Yuugi couldn't help but feel shame and guilt under Atem's piercing gaze that only spoke the truth. He had every right to feel strong disdain towards his (ex-?) friends, but he also knew it was wrong of him to reject those who genuinely felt concern for him. The boy's shoulder sagged, as if the weight of the world was being doubled. But why now? he wondered. Why were they trying to see if he was alright now? Did he have to go to such an extreme to get everyone's attention? What if he really did die? What then?

Atem's eyes softened as his heart ached at the sight of Yuugi beginning to break down. Atem stood from his chair, and approached Yuugi. Without warning, he gathered Yuugi into his arms, and carried him to the couch. Yuugi let out another yelp of surprise as Atem positioned his Hikari so that Yuugi was sitting on his lap, his arms around Yuugi's waist.

"This has to be _the_worst time for me to be blushing like this," Yuugi said mostly to himself as he leaned against Atem.

Atem laughed quietly.

"You look quite adorable though," the Yami remarked.

Embarassed, Yuugi didn't meet Atem's amused eyes. He paused for a moment as he let the burning warmth of his face die down, so that he could think clearly once more.

"How come people only cry when it's too late?" Yuugi asked as he drew random shapes absently on Atem's chest.

Atem rested his chin on Yuugi's shoulder, and closed his eyes slightly.

"In most cases, I suppose it's like that," Atem began to say. "But...in others, you don't see people crying openly until 'it's too late', but trust me, they've cried before."

"So, you're saying that our...friends actually gave a damn about me up until now?" Yuugi said with the least amount of bitterness he could possibly allow to escape.

"They have always cared, like I did, but didn't know what to do, especially when they didn't know what to do with themselves," Atem replied.

Yuugi scowled slightly in confusion, then looked up at Atem.

"What do you mean?"

Atem heaved a heavy sigh as he ran one hand through his hair, an obvious sign of distress.

"I believe..." he said slowly, "that everyone has their own demon."

Yuugi's throat went dry. He didn't need to ask Atem what the metaphor meant; he knew the answer himself all too well.

"...why was I so blind?" Yuugi asked to no one in particular.

Atem tilted his head slightly as his crimson eyes dimmed with dark insight. "From what I've observed these past Ra-knows how many years, all human beings put on a facade, and create a faux reality. Soon, the faux becomes reality, and the reality becomes faux. There is no one that walks around completely exposed to the core where they are vulnerable and raw, but in one time or another, humans lose clarity of many truths, such as agony, pain, and misery. How could someone recognize suffering if they deny their own? How could they recognize pain if they only allow themselves to experience artificial emotions?" Atem paused as he searched his mind for a quote. "If I remember correctly from one movie, _'Ignorance is bliss'(1)_."

Yuugi stared at his arms, and though they were covered by the sleeves of his hoodie, he knew exactly how many scars there were, what they looked like, and how they marred his flesh. How long did it take for him to realize he was...destroying himself?

Yuugi closed his eyes for a brief moment as he accepted his own pain, and then suddenly...and yet as if it was normal, natural, Yuugi felt more pain. It was not only his, but everyone and everything else's. The sheer anguish, the utter misery, the devastating grief...

Yuugi choked...inhaled, exhaled, then opened his eyes.

"I have to help them," he declared, and continued speaking before Atem could even respond. "They betrayed me, hurt me, abandoned me, but that doesn't matter. Maybe I'm naive and foolish, but I...I _know _what it's like to suffer, and now, I cannot stand the thought of letting anyone's suffering go on. Maybe the guys aren't hurting at all, but if they are, I intend on finding out, and helping them. Saving them..." Yuugi drew in a shaky breath. "And if I cannot do any of those things, I will at least make sure they do not suffer alone."

Firm and strong words that were spoken quietly faded away into non-existence, thus allowing silence to reign king. The aching waves of pain continued to crash into Yuugi like the waves of tsunamis, but instead of blocking the pain out and facing it with ignorance, he allowed it to fully flow through him. He would no longer turn away, but endure it instead.

Yuugi lowered his eyes to his hand when Atem grasped it, and entwined their fingers together.

"I honestly do not know what to say, Aibou," said Atem.

"It's okay..." Yuugi mumbled with a small smile. "I can feel it...you're my other half, after all."

"Then you should already know that I could not love you, admire you, and be proud of you any more than I already am."

Yuugi turned his head, and smiled before saying a sweet thank-you.

They leaned in towards each other, closing their eyes, and just as their lips were almost brushing over the others, the bells on the front door of the game shop chimed and rang. They both pulled apart and stared at each other with wide eyes.

The front door was locked.

It was locked ever since Grandfather left.

His feet were ahead of his mind as Yuugi scrambled out of the room, and ran down the hall that led to the main game shop. It was a short distance, but when Yuugi arrived at his destination, hiss heart was beating in overdrive at the sight of the familiar back of Solomon who was locking the door. Solomon had not changed the slightest from his physical appearance, and Yuugi also feared that Solomon's heart had not changed as well. Were sorrow and shame still dwelling inside of the man's heart, emotions Yuugi and his self-mutilation practice evoked?

He was so scared.  
So damn scared.

Of rejection, of anger, of disappointment.

Yuugi never thought Solomon would come back. He came back home, but would he come back to his grandson?

Breathing heavily, Yuugi suddenly went rigid with fear, hesitation, and dread. The awful dread was the worse of all them, thickening like lead in the pit of his churning guts, and growing heavier by each second. The dread was like a cinder block, a heavy weight that Yuugi_ knew _was going to fall on his feet, but had yet to reach the ground. The anticipation only heightened the boy's emotions to a near hyperventilating state. He swallowed hard as he tried to relax his breathing, and quell the deafening thudding of his heart in his ears.

After a moment, Solomon shoved the ring of keys back into his pocket, then turned around to face Yuugi...and smile at him.

"I'm sorry that it took me this long, Yuugi, my boy, to come home, but most of all, I am sorry for how I treated you..."

The words faded away into a murmur Yuugi didn't pay attention to as he dashed forward, and nearly tackled his grandfather to the ground with a hug. Solomon staggered back at the sudden weight, but quickly gained footing, and embraced his grandson. Yuugi clung onto Solomon's shirt as he sobbed into his chest. From afar, Atem watched with a subtle smile, and through the mind-link, caught a small glimpse of that small corner of a wall in Yuugi's soul room grow just a little more.

Yuugi sobbed apologies, but Solomon said he was the one to be sorry. He was sorry for the way he reacted, for leaving at the worst time, and...for lying.

This caught Atem's and Yuugi's attention quickly.

Sniffling, Yuugi pulled away from his grandfather, and stared at him in confusion.

"For lying...?" he echoed as Atem walked over to them, and stood besides the shorter boy. "W...what do you mean?"

Solomon's smile did not falter, but it became hinted with rue. He let out a sigh of content as he shoved his hands into his pockets.

"My boy, I am an old man," Solomon began saying in a calm tone. "I have lived for so long...but no one lives forever..."

Solomon's voice trailed off when he saw Yuugi begin to shake his head in denial. Both Atem and Yuugi knew where this conversation was going, but Yuugi was not willing to accept it. He could not.

"Grandfather, stop it," Yuugi cried as he took a step back. "Don't do this...I...stop joking-"

"I did not go to a dig," interrupted Solomon, "I went to a hospital."

Yuugi stopped breathing, but he could not refrain from uttering one question, and he did so in a voice that was unnaturally high, and laced with incredulity and sheer anguish.

_"...why?"_

"Lately, I've been having heart pains, and I decided to get it checked. They took some tests, and though there was really nothing wrong at first, they told me to come again two weeks later. I went, and it seems to be that my heart is beginning to give out, so I stayed there for some treatment-"

"So, you're going to be fine, right?" Yuugi exclaimed, his eyes growing wide with hope. "You're going to be okay, right?"

Solomon gazed with sad eyes at his grandson, then shook his head.

"They have merely extended my life. I have about four months or less to live."

Time stopped. The world ended. The Armageddon came. The Apocalypse erupted.

All of those things happened in the same precise second for Yuugi Motou when he heard the words that his only last living family member was going to die in four months. That Solomon was going to die period.

All the gears and wheels came to a halt, all the wires frayed and burnt, all the neurons paralyzed. Yuugi's entire mind went under a meltdown he was unaware of himself, but Atem sensed his Aibou's dangerous unstable state. He could also see in the back of his mind, clearly and vividly, the calm blue of the rebuilding walls in Yuugi's soul room begin to chip away bit by bit, but at an alarmingly rapid rate. The darkness exposed by the other non-existent walls began to stir and dance in synch with Yuugi's violent emotions.

_/'Aibou,'/_Atem called out through their mind-link as he grasped Yuugi's arm. _/'Please, calm down --...--...'/_

The mind-link was still fully open, but Yuugi could no longer interpret Atem's message, because he was entirely blinded by rage, disbelief, and anguish. He did not respond to Atem's words, nor react to the Yami grabbing his arm. Instead, Yuugi stared at Solomon steadily with darkening violet eyes.

"You're lying," Yuugi stated in a trembling voice. His voice was a whisper at first, but gradually it grew louder as his brows knitted together, and his vision began blurring with tears. "You're lying...you're lying, _you're lying!_" he screamed in a terribly cracking voice as tears trickled down his face. "How can you do this to me? How can you just...just leave? Like Mom and Dad, why are you going to leave me behind? Why? Why?!"

Yuugi took an abrupt step forward and clutched onto Solomon's shirt as he repeated the single word, the single question over and over again with despair, and continued to do so even when he fell onto his knees.

_"Why? Why?_ _**WHY?!**_"

Just when he was going to put his life back on track, just when he discovered that Solomon was no longer upset with him...

Death was the most natural part of living, but it was so difficult to accept, and Yuugi could not even acknowledge it at this point. Throat burning from the screams, and vision still blurred with tears, Yuugi pushed onto his feet abruptly, and ran upstairs to his room. Atem was there with him almost immediately, but not before much of the furniture in the bedroom was destroyed and dismantled. Papers flew everywhere, the desk toppled over, the lamp fell with a dull thud...it was a scene all too familiar as the one Atem witnessed in Yuugi's soul room.

Dodging the path of a chair hurled at the opposite wall, Atem made his way over to Yuugi. With force and with almost brutality, Atem pulled Yuugi into his arms. The roughness was needed, seeing as how being gentle at the moment would only result in Atem being wounded and/or mutilated. Yuugi screamed, yelled, and fought, but Atem only held Yuugi tighter. Soon, Yuugi fell exhausted, and calmed down to weak poundings on Atem's chest, and frustrated mutterings.

Atem was saying something, or maybe he wasn't saying anything at all. Yuugi was losing his touch with reality due to the excruciating pain that distorted all of his senses. Was he still crying? Shouting? Breathing? All rational thought was wiped clean as Yuugi's mind was overwhelmed with the flood of emotions.

Atem gritted his teeth as he braced himself mentally against Yuugi's emotions, which were proving to become a little too much, but fortunately, Yuugi was beginning to calm down. But when Solomon entered the room and into Yuugi's sight, the boys emotions piqued again. Yuugi shook his head once again in denial. He was no longer rash and brutal, but still desperate and grievous.

"I don't want you to die..." Yuugi sobbed, his shoulders heaving, his body shaking. "Don't go, Grandpa...please..."

Atem released Yuugi as he allowed the boy to fall into his grandfather's arms. Sighing inwardly in weariness, Atem quickly wiped his damp eyes, then folded his arms over his chest.

"It will only be good-bye for a while, Yuugi," Solomon said with tears of his own brimming his eyes. "We both know from past experiences that there is an afterlife, and I am sure that we will meet again. When I am on my deathbed, Yuugi, smile for me, even if you are crying, and while I wait for you on the other side, live. Live your life, Yuugi." Solomon paused as he tilted Yuugi's chin up, and stared at him in the eye. "Before, when I heard that you were harming yourself, I did not know what to do, and it was terrible timing to leave for the hospital, but I thought it would be best not to explain why, in fear that you would hurt even more. I am sorry for the lie, but do know that I love you, my grandson, and that I always will."

The tears would not stop and the pain was unbearable, but Yuugi managed a smile, something Solomon longed to see for such a long time.

"I love you, too..." he whispered in shaking gasps, "and...welcome home."

Solomon chuckled quietly.

"It's good to be back."

The embrace was broken as they parted to their separate rooms, but their bond was not, and not even death would sever it. Yuugi was still scared, uncertain, and hurt, but the tears came to a stop when he remembered his grandfather's words.

Maybe he would fall, trip, collaspe, and even break over and over again until his knees were bleeding as he ventured in this journey known as Life. He would cry, he would hurt, he would fear, but he was no longer going to turn away, run away, or fade away.

He wasn't going to die anymore.

He was going to live.

--

Next chapter: Fade to Black

(1) Quote taken from The Matrix.

**P.S. All I do is write and write, but writing together with someone else is fun too. If anyone is interested in roleplaying or writing a joint-story together, please message me! - B. Ryter**


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